wedding tuxedo shopping.

You guys I had the busiest weekend and I just wanted to sleep yesterday. So I did. But now I’m ready to tell you about one of the busy things I did during my busy weekend, wedding tuxedo shopping.

I went in knowing nothing about wedding tuxedo shopping or tuxedo shopping in general. I went once with a prom date but my shit was all picked out so I didn’t really care what he was getting and didn’t pay attention. So my brain was ripe for new knowledge!

Ready to learn!

My future brother in law, his stepdad, his best man, and my dad, and I, went to Men’s Wearhouse in Quakertown, PA. I grew up in a forest/cornfield but getting to this place from my parents’ house was a forest/cornfield ON CRACK situaish. Sorry I forgot we’re not supposed to call stuff “crack” anymore. You get what I mean.

And if you don’t know I’ll tell you now, it was all trees and farms and beautiful rolling hills. I saw a ton of signs that were like “preserved farm land” and “preserved open space.” KEEP IT UP, PENNSYLVANIA.

Back to the wedding tuxedo shopping, it wasn’t that serious but I was nervous at first. My future brother in law asked me to go with them, I think because I like fashunz. But that doesn’t mean I know anything about BOY fashions?! So I was scared that I would blow it but I think I did okay.

You walk in and it’s suits, suits, suits, and ties, ties, ties, and I’m like yawn, yawn, yawn because I am super NOT into dudes in suits. Like fine if you wanna dress up that’s cute or whatever but as far as the day to day you won’t catch me hanging out with Suit Guy if I get to choose who I’m hanging out with.

I do enjoy this colorful display!

We had an appointment with Ethan (woo Ethan!). And he was like 17 and I think we really stressed him out and made him nervous but he did okay I swear.

It’s really pretty simple –

1. The dudes choose “suit” or “tux”

Suit or tux?

2. They measure the dudes

3. The dudes try on samples of their chosen garments

4. The dudes choose all the details

Okay the details part was hard. We had to pick colors, which would have made my head explode. But we were lucky because we already got our bridesmaid dresses, and Men’s Wearhouse is in cahoots with David’s Bridal in some kind of wedding industrial complex conspiracy so they already knew the dude colors that would match.

FYI this is a lot of colors.

I guess in this case the wedding industrial complex conspiracy played in our favor.

Then they had to choose shoes. And bow tie or regs tie. And vest or suspenders. But NOT vest AND suspenders. That’s TOO FAR, according to Ethan. DO NOT EVEN TRY IT.

I would choose regs tie and then I would wear this tie BECAUSE IT HAS CHAMPAGNE CHEERS ON IT.

Also “jewelry.” What?! There is tuxedo jewelry?! WTF is going on?! My sister doesn’t know what jewelry she plans to wear yet so I couldn’t help with that besides just sharing my opinion and that is that I liked the white and gold.


Okay but something that I DID actually learn while wedding tuxedo shopping is that the distinction between “tuxedo” and “suit” comes down to the the cut/style of the pants and jacket. I think? Google it.

I also read this informational poster and that counts as learning.

Overall I was impressed that the dudes were simply measured, tried things on, chose their choices, and were on their way. I think this was a group that’s not trying too hard to do something crazy or different or statement making and I like that about them. Please leave the crazy and different and statement making to ME, thanks.

But JK because LeXX did order a special outfit for himself that includes a jacket with tails. And that is why LeXX is the ultimate…warrior. And I’m excited to see his special outfit! It should be special! He’s the father of the bride! Like the film!

After tuxedo shopping we went to Red Robin WHICH IS MY EVERYTHING even though I haven’t been there for like 8 years.


I got an Impossible Burger in the style of the Burnin Love Burger with a side of zucchini fries and a chocolate milkshake.


Wedding tuxedo shopping is the greatest! Have you been? Do you have any thoughts? Don’t you love the Burnin Love Burger at Red Robin?!

diy wedding field trip.

My sister is getting married and they’re leaning toward doing a DIY wedding. As maid of honor, I feel it is my duty to research DIY weddings to the fullest extent so today during my lunch break I went on a DIY wedding field trip to Michael’s on 6th Ave.

Below are photos and a narrative of what went through my mind during the DIY wedding field trip. The narrative was written after the fact but I’ve tried to stay as close to reality as possible.

So here we go.

diy wedding field trip to michael’s.

This is Michaels and I am here. I am only going to LOOK. This is a DIY wedding FIELD TRIP I am just here to get INSPIRED on my lunch hour very quickly and then I’m going to go read my book club book for 20 minutes. In and out, in and OUT.

holiday stuff on sale and repurposed.

HOLY SHIT ALL OF THIS XMAS STUFF IS 80 PERCENT OFF. Do we need any Xmas stuff? No! Ugh no we don’t, shut up. You don’t need Xmas stuff for a June wedding. Knock it off. But there’s ribbons! Don’t we need ribbons? Not those colors. Ugh. Stop.

OH MY GOSH THIS LANTERN. It is an Xmas lantern, but beyond being labeled as “Christmas|Noel” (whatever they hell that means) it doesn’t look Xmas at all. It is 80 percent off! It is gold to match things we already have. Omg I’m texting Melissa. <texts Melissa>. Omg she loves it. I’m getting three. One tall and two short! It’s the only way. Okay cool now I’m going to carry these around the store with me so no one else takes them. THEY ARE MINE.

These are for cookies and they have hearts! For love! Will we need to serve cookies…OF LOVE?! I feel like we will! Ugh no nevermind. They’re not the right colors. And they’re silly. Back away. Plz leave.

WHATEVER THESE THINGS ARE THEY ARE 90 FREAKIN CENTS GIVE ME AT LEAST 30. Okay, let’s take a closer look, omg they are plastic hollow ornaments and you can ADD YOUR OWN STUFF TO THE INSIDE. We can add ribbons and twine and beads and buttons and glitter and sequins and seeds and beans and air plants and tiny colorful erasers and ACTUAL LIVING LIGHTNING BUGS and dried mealworms covered with flavorful powders (like the ones I ate at the Jersey City Oddities Market) so people can have a quick little protein power snack. And once those things are added we can string them all together on a rope and make a banner or we can hang them in a small tree or bush or we can put them on tables. There are really so many options for these 90 cent treasures.

HOLD UP. They sell these things in bulk and they’re also on clearance?! Well I’m going to take at least two and also carry them around the store to ensure no one takes them even though there are a ton. YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO SAFE.

buckets, boxes, beads, and baubles.

We’re def going to need buckets. We’re def going to need GOLD buckets. I don’t know what we’re going to need them for but I just know we’re going to need them. They can hold flowers, they can hold straws, they can hold ice, they can sit on the tables with cute pretty shit in them or they can sit in the ground with lights in them and illuminate an as yet untold path or they can be hung on those little hooks to be a few feet off the ground and illuminate an as yet untold path. Children can carry them and they can be full of flower petals. They can hold napkins and utensils. We need them.

Boxes too. Not as many uses for boxes as buckets but we still need them. I’ll admit I don’t know what for. I just feel the need in my soul.

Chains! Gold chains to add accents to the gold buckets! So the buckets don’t look like regular buckets and the look like DIY wedding buckets. So they look SPECIAL.

Omg but here are BEADS! BEADS that can be added to the buckets or boxes or jars or other things. Dangling down. We could put them in the ornaments with the lightning bugs! It’s a whole glam little habitat. They have the beads in so many colors. So so many colors not pictured here. This necessitates a return trip.


Here are some wood letters we will def need wood letters SOMEWHERE. An “M” and a “T” AT LEAST. Not a huge fan of any of the fonts presented here but a good reminder we’ll prob need some. Also I personally hate the wood words because I think they’re corny but if Melissa wants them I will get her one of every word and SHE WILL HAVE THEM BECAUSE SHE IS MY LITTLE POP.

While we’re in the wood section I’m going to tell you about something, and hear me out…BIRD HOUSES. We could do all kinds of shit with birdhouses. Paint them crazy colors, stick the beads to them, hang them from trees, hang them to the ceiling, stuff them with lights, sprinkle them with glitter, put them on tables, the list goes on.

Wait are you sure you’re not into the birdhouses? Okay we can talk about this another time.

Little wooden boxes. Little box of treasure. Special treasured DIY wedding day! I don’t know, I just liked these because they were cute and I wanted to put stuff inside of them. Like M&Ms or something. WITH PICS OF THE BRIDE AND GROOM ON THEM DUH.

SIGNS. WOOD SIGNS. SQUARE SIGN HEART SIGN ARROW SIGN. Gotta give people a “welcome,” gotta tell them where to go, gotta list the names of the cocktails and mocktails, gotta make a little sign with some kind of quote on it. We need one of each thank you next.

Chalkboards! Of all shapes and sizes! For menus, for directions, for instructions, for seating arrangements, for place settings, for those cocktails and mocktails again, and the list goes on. Still not sure how “crack is wack” is a “joke” that the youth still write on stuff. Way to disrupt my DIY wedding field trip, scribbling youth of the Flatiron District.


Gold plates! Gold platters! We’ll need plates and platters! But maybe not these plates and platters I think we can rent some. Shit we have to look that up.

Unnecessary Buddha fountain! We need it! We need it for the Bride and Groom table!

JK that was just a joke I said in my head but this fountain would look nice with flower petals in it next to a huge cheese and charcuterie board is all I’m saying. Like that is like cruise buffet level decor and I am fully on board.

Metal stuff 30 percent off! It’s galvanized!

I don’t know what that means.

But look at these things! They could hold bread or cupcakes or lobster claws or lobster rolls or apples or bananas or homemade biscuits. Anything hand sized and close to round could go in here and people could grab it out. These things are perfect. And they have GILDEDDD EDGESSSS.

Omg look! Another bucket option! And with GILDEDDDD EDGESSSS.

flowers, ferns, and feathers.

These are fake flowers and we’ll probably get real flowers. But WILL we get real flowers? I kind of like these flowers.

Oh my gosh look at these pink flowers I love these pink flowers. Pink isn’t one of the colors though ugh knock it off.

Ferns?! There are ferns and leaves and ivies?! We could straight up turn this wedding INTO A JUNGLE. NO ONE WOULD EVEN KNOW WE WERE IN NEW JERSEY. We could just cover the whole place with these plants from top to bottom and growing all over the tables and chairs and play animal sounds and pump in moisture with a humidifier and make it like it was raining like at Rainforest Cafe. THINK ABOUT IT.

Feathers! I always love feathers. Just plop a feather into anything and it will look great. The colors are blue and green and…PEACOCKS ARE BLUE AND GREEN. JK I actually think peacocks would look weird in this particular DIY situaish so I’ll pass for now.

WREATHS. YOU GUYS. These can be covered in ribbons and beads and lights and crushed up lighting bugs. Jk about the lightning bugs. But these are useful. Hang em on the wall, dangle them down from the ceiling as a wreath chandelier. Omg wait I JUST thought of the wreath chandelier. Like it’s flat and has ribbons or twine that hold it up and then lights are wrapped around it omgomg this is going to happen SO HARD.

In my recent “DIY Wedding” googling I have come across these adorable “baby’s breath balls” and I haven’t been able to get them out of my mind. We could make these balls and hang them all over the place. So many that it would look like lovely snow drifts were collecting. But it wouldn’t be snow because snow sucks. I spent too much time looking at this fake baby’s breath. I don’t think it will be sufficient for the balls. NEXT!


Okay but seriously. I got a bunch of shit for under 50 dollars. I saved $126. This was a victory for maids of honor everywhere. I will now request that you salute me and kiss my (right hand) ring. Thank you.