i hate jeans.

Guys, I really hate jeans. Like really, really hate them. And I’m going to reflect on that here. Because like, don’t hate, pontificate! But also I hate them. Additionally I will share some photos of me in jeans to display my ability to cavort comfortably with the enemy.

Let’s begin.

I hate jeans because they’re uncomfortable. THEY ARE SO UNCOMFORTABLE. I have never felt comfortable in jeans. I’ve tried every fit, brand, fabric, etc etc and I’ve never felt like my best self wearing jeans. There are some that fit great! And they look good in pics! And they feel OKAY but I wouldn’t say that I feel COMFORTABLE and like I can take over the world or anything.

They’re just jeans.

And that’s my second problem, they’re JUST jeans. I am so BORED by them. They’re classic and basic and predictable and I don’t want to be involved in any of that. That’s not me! I’m weird and wild and wacky. I am ABOVE jeans. I have ALLITERATION.

Jkjk I’m not ABOVE them. Like they’re fine. Rock jeans if you feel like your best self in them. I just don’t. I feel constricted and restricted. They hold me back. I can’t even kick my leg or do a cartwheel. It’s trash. And the trash is on fire.

I say this because I have ripped many pairs of jeans while kicking my leg or doing a cartwheel. This is the reality that I must deal with. Those were tight jeans, yes. So why don’t I wear loose jeans? Who wants to wear loose jeans?! Not me.

I do like a high waisted wide leg jean though. That’s kinda my thing now. Getting back into that style from middle school (1996-ish), when Limited Too had those wide leg jeans and they had like a blue thing in the back so you could tell they were from Limited Too. It was all about labels and being able to tell where something was from in 1996. I think I had one pair? Or I imagined that and I had no pairs. Limited Too was pretty much Chanel level in its unattainability for me so I didn’t actually have much from there.

I couldn’t find these Limited Too jeans on the internet to show an example and I am PISSED.

Also, I just really love leggings. I LOVE leggings.

I remember as a kid my mom wore leggings all the time and I was like “<eyeroll>NERD,” (sorry mom) but in college leggings came back in a BIG WAY and I was like wait a minute my mom was totally on to something. Leggings as pants were okay for some time there in the early 2000s and that was a best life situaish. Leggings as pants with Uggs or $5 black Old Navy flip flops – PERFECTION. I wish we could go back but alas we cannot.

So we soldier on.

I still love leggings but now with a dress or tunic-like top and combat boots. Honestly any casual outfit that would call for tights I wear leggings instead. My legs are warmer and they’re more comfortable than tights. I have a HUGE bin of tights that has not been used in over a year.

Again, the leggings allow me to kick my leg and do cartwheels WHILE WEARING A DRESS. They offer FULL COVERAGE while upside down! My 4 year old niece inspires me in a lot of ways but one of the MAIN ways is showing me that you can wear leggings or bike shorts under a dress and then literally take over the world.

YOU CAN DO ANYTHING.

Which is to say you don’t even NEED jeans. They’re useless to me at this point. If I wanna feel cute AND be an all terrain being I just wear my dress with leggings or bike shorts underneath. Boom. Ready to go.

When I was a little girl and I misbehaved, my mom would threaten me that my punishment would be that I would need to wear pants to school for a week. AN ENTIRE WEEK?! I would rather die so this threat made me behave. I assume I was probably pretty manipulative, or at least TRYING to be manipulative as a 6 year old, so really getting to the root of something I would hate and offering that as punishment was necessary.

Did this reinforce my already existing hatred of pants, or did it create it? I don’t know but either way I hate pants to this day and will avoid them at all costs.

After a year of COVID time only 3 pairs of jeans fit in my FILLED TO THE BRIM SO I HAVE TO YANK IT OPEN AND KICK IT CLOSED jeans drawer.

I have an entire huge drawer of jeans even though I hate them.

Shut up.

But now only 3% of them fit and I can’t decide if I should keep the ones that are too small in case I get a little smaller again from the singular act of moving around more in the outside world once that returns, or if I should throw them out. I just can’t decide.

I DO know that I DO NOT WANT TO BUY ANY MORE JEANS. BECAUSE I HATE THEM. I’m so frustrated by the fact that I don’t have many jeans that fit but also I don’t want any jeans so I’m kind of at a crossroads.

Hating jeans is specific to me, I’d like you to know. Like I don’t care if you wear jeans. Jeans are great for people who find them great! It’s okay! If I hated jeans on others I’d spend a large part of every day just hating and hating because so many people wear jeans. I would have an unsustainable amount of hate in my body and I would drop dead from the effort.

So you can have your jeans and I support you. BUT I DON’T WANT ANY.

fun coats.

This is about fun coats, and fun coats only.

It’s fun coats Friday! We’ve had a long week and we deserve something fun.

So here are some fun coats.

I got super into fun coats in Fall 2019 when I had a Rent the Runway membership. THEY HAVE SO MANY FUN COATS.

But it doesn’t make sense to use Rent the Runway right now because I don’t want to be all dressed up with nowhere to go.

Although I OCCASIONALLY have somewhere to go, so I got some of my own fun coats to live at my home with me forever.

I got this one in Philadelphia when I took a trip there in the fall.

It’s from a store called The Raxx Vintage Emporium AND I LOVE IT. The coat AND the store.

This fun coat I got for Xmas from my boyfriend!

It’s from Mint Market in Jersey City. Actually maybe he got it at the Hoboken one. The world will never know.

I’ve always wanted a black and white fur/faux fur and here it is all my dreams came true.

Last we have this blue leopard fun coat my mom and dad got me for Xmas!

This fun coat is from ban.do.

I used to have an intense love affair with ban.do but it came out over the summer that their co-founder/CCO had acted like a racist jerk so I broke up with them for a while.

The co-founder/CCO left and I kept an eye to make sure they were working on themselves and I feel good about the learning they’ve done so I’m back for more ban.do.

We can all always learn more though, of course.

Those are the fun coats. Happy Friday.

what to wear during your holiday break vol. 2.

One of my favorite posts to put together last year was “what to wear during your holiday break” and now I’m back for more.

As you may know this year was a completely different year from last year and we all spent a ton of time sitting around our houses on our asses. We’ve been wearing lazy clothes while hiding in our houses this entire year and we’re not going to stop anytime soon.

Overall I’m not really a proponent of lazy clothes. I like to “look cute” and “get dressed up.” I really, REALLY miss wearing black tights and dresses and makeup and real shoes. This is really, really hard for me.

But I thought it would still be fun to celebrate some lazy clothes because I got quite a few new lazy clothes this year and they’re kinda fun!

So here we go.

what to wear during your holiday break while you’re reading a book.

Yes I’m reading Home Body. Every single one of a certain kind of gal is currently reading it as we speak. I guess I’m just that kind of gal.

The kind of gal that likes amazing poetry without really knowing that much about poetry. But it’s amazing.

My outfit is from ACTA and it’s my favorite new lazy outfit. It’s really soft but not TOO soft. I love the material. I have a code for ACTA if you have any interest. Click here to go to their site and use code SHANIMAL15 for 15% off.

If not, move along.

what to wear during your holiday break when you want to fret over the impeding apocalypse but in a onesie.

This is a leopard onesie.

I guess it’s kind of intense and I think it’s a size too small because it’s not as comfy as I hoped.

It’s from Old Navy. The small size isn’t their fault, it’s just my assumption that I can still wear the same size I could wear back in March.

Which is an untrue assumption.

what to wear during your holiday break while protecting your bird from certain death.

Here’s a sports bra option for when you have to turn up the heat all the way for your bird and it’s too hot to live with a shirt on.

My tropical budgie pal Elvis needs to be protected from a draft at all costs. If he feels the slightest chill you can see in his face that he is terrified of his swift imminent death.

He needs to stay warm so we keep him warm. That’s what we do in this family. Even if human family members have to take our shirts off in the middle of winter. Bra top is from Free People.

what to wear during your holiday break to look out the window and feel sad because you miss your friends and family.

When it’s cold and I don’t want to deal with being outside but it’s still sunny and I need sunlight, I love to sit by the window.

I love to sit by the window and stare at the street and think about all the fun I’ve missed, Santa baby.

This year has been shitty. We all know it. A lot of us won’t see our families. I’ve been quarantining to see my parents and sister for Xmas but I won’t be able to see my brother and his family. It’s a tough pill to swallow. I’m choking on it. So is my mom.

So I’ll just sulk here by the window in my cropped “Jersey City” sweatshirt from JaneDO and tie dyed pants from Old Navy because like what else to I have to do?

what to wear during your holiday break while you adult color and/or reenact a preschool school photo.

I need to get back into adult coloring. It is fun, soothing, passes the time…all good things.

Adult coloring really relaxes the mind. For a long time I thought it was a hoax and a trap but my sister got me this adult coloring book a couple of years ago and it just feels good to do.

This also looks like a photo of me that I have from preschool that I’m going to try to find when I go home this week. STAY TUNED.

Oh PS the whole outfit is from Old Navy. I love the thermal top because it has moons and stars on it. A VIBE.

what to wear during your holiday break while wrapping presents but only a couple at a time because it really hurts your back.

I got this sweatsuit in the fall and I do love that it’s a like a MATCHING SUIT.

It’s also nice that it’s red so it’s festive and if I put on a green headband it’s red AND green and THAT is a beautiful thing.

Sweatsuit is Old Navy again. 85% of this stuff is Old Navy. As I said, I’m not usually a fan of lazy clothes but now that I pretty much wear them every day I like to have a lot of options and Old Navy has cheap but quality options. It may be cheap but it’s also soft and comfortable and I AM INSIDE OF MY HOUSE.

Also, wrapping presents really, REALLY makes my back hurt and I’m not sure why but if you have any tips plz share.

what to wear during your holiday break while you get in bed and wait for santa.

Oh shit did that sound sexual? It’s not, I just meant wait until it’s time to open your presents.

The time goes slow when you’re stuck inside, so it’s nice to be comfortable while you wait.

This is another full matching sweatsuit but it’s not very flattering so I’ll just reveal the top half. Some things remain sacred.

Best wishes for cozy holiday outfits for every single one of you, my friends.

chicken spaghetti outfit.

I haven’t done a post of an outfit for a long time because I never get good feedback on posts of outfits. It’s always, “No one cares about you in outfits.”

But you know what? I care about me in outfits. And it’s fun. And I have nothing to really live for right now. So here’s a post about an outfit.

I tried to take some pictures with my mom’s chickens because I love them and they are my friends. At least I thought they were my friends until I tried to get them to participate in these photos.

And they didn’t.

They really enjoy spaghetti! Usually…

The chickens didn’t show much interest in spaghetti during the time I was taking the photos. Once I stopped taking the photos they were once again interested.

Let’s just say the chickens were being straight up bitches.

Beyond the lack of cooperation from my fellow models, I enjoy this outfit and it was fun to put together.

I love these boots because they’re very high and make it a little “fancy” but they’re super chunky and therefore comfortable. They’re from H&M.

20% off everything — no code needed! We’re kicking off Black Friday today! Shop safe, shop smart, shop early.

This leopard blazer sweater from JCrew is probably my favorite addition to my closet this fall. I rented one similar to it from Rent the Runway last year and I’m glad to own one now.

I dislike wearing my hair up but a woman waiting in line for the bathroom with me last night told me I “look like Lady Gaga” so that was a nice perk and I’ll take it. If I DO wear it up I think a headband def helps. This is also from JCrew.

Of course it’s only appropriate to wear Jersey City shirts while away from Jersey City, and this is one of my old favorites from Kanibal.

The pants are linen pants and they’re pretty loose. I’ve gained a lot of weight in the past 6 months so loose is the way to go when it comes to pants, thanks.

Glad to be back talking about my outfits think I’ll do it some more soon you’re welcome.

peacock costume.

In my mind nothing can really top last year’s Ms. Frizzle costume. But this year I had some fun making a peacock costume.

Halloween is different this year! Everything is different this year! We have to do the best we can! Overall, Halloween was a welcome distraction from all of the lame crap going on: COVID, the election, the end of the world as we know it.

I decided on a peacock costume for three reasons:

  1. I’m obsessed with birds.
  2. I’ve been really into a blue and green color palette lately.
  3. I thought it would be relatively easy to create a peacock costume on my own. “Easy” as in high reward with not much effort.

the materials.

My interpretation of a peacock required the following materials:

Blue Bodysuit – I selected a bodysuit with long legs and sleeves because it’s going to be incredibly freezing today.

Blue Wig – Wigs are really fun to wear and I wanted an excuse to wear one, even though peacocks don’t technically wear blue wigs or really have any blue features on their heads at all.

Blue Ribbon – I was afraid I didn’t get enough and in the end I actually really didn’t get enough and would get way more if I ever do this or something like this again.

Not enough.

Peacock Feathers – Duh.

Duh.

Peacock Fan – I thought this would be a fun way to mimic the “tail” and also give me the opportunity to carry around and use a prop. I LOVE A PROP. This fan can also be used for other future fun fancy events! If it doesn’t get lost in the graveyard tonight. TBD.

Face Rhinestones – I have never used these before so we’ll see what happens.

Blue/Green Glitter – It has been a year since I got this glitter on sale at Target and it has been floating around in my Caboodle and getting in my way this whole time. Very excited to finally use it. And yes that link is to the pink/purple version. They’re out of blue I guess. Not my problem.

Feathery False Eyelashes – No idea how these are going to work. I may not even be able to figure it out. We’ll see.

construction.

I constructed the costume last night and as I predicted it required minimal effort. There was only one part of it that required construction, the feathery part.

I just cut the ribbon to make a “belt” and then cut more pieces of ribbon to tie peacock feathers onto the “belt.”

Essentially making a peacock “tail.”

Keep in mind this is technically the “tail” of a male peacock so in a way this is peacock drag. Dude birds are just prettier and therefore better to model costumes after. It’s not my fault.

Perhaps a hot glue gun would have been more effective but I got the wrong size glues for mine last year and then never got the right size glues. I’m no craft master and never claimed to be one, you guys.

That’s it! Not going to post the finished product until later. So get excited. Or something.

put your puritanism back in your pants.

After I wrote this I did a fact check to make sure puritanical behavior was actually the Puritan’s fault and some sources disagreed. I still don’t like their overall vision and will leave them as my scapegoat for this.

I’m going to have to respectfully request that you take your puritanism and you put it back in your pants.

If that doesn’t work I will full-on disrespectfully demand that you shove it up your own ass.

Are you listening? Cool.

It’s likely you’re aware that my favorite way to dress is almost naked. It’s been that way since birth. I’ve always loved a revealing outfit. I’m not ever going to stop loving revealing outfits. They’re a part of me. The very fabric of my being is woven with threads of cleavage and short skirts and bathing suits while not at the beach. This is nothing new. But for some reason sometimes folks still have something to say. And I blame the Puritans.

By Puritans I mean the people that started some shit in this county. By “some shit” I mean they were one of the groups on the front lines of stealing the land of Native Americans and justifying their behavior by saying it was “god’s” idea. Also burning women alive if they didn’t like their overall vibe. You know, those Puritans. Bunch of jerks.

Unforch their beliefs and behaviors about sexuality and people’s bodies and the ways people are allowed to dress their bodies hang over us like an ominous cloud. Like why is this cloud still here? Their buildings have survived so I guess maybe that’s why the cloud of nonsensical judgement has. I don’t really know. It’s stubborn as hell. It’s giving me a headache. I really can’t stand it.

During my fact check I found that their ideas lasted so long and permeated our whole society because they valued intelligence and had a high level of literacy and that is…terrifying. They used their nerd powers for bad! Ugh! The worst!

Simply existing as a woman in the world is hard enough. You can be physically over-powered at any time. There’s a need to be “careful” and to have an “awareness.” It’s exhausting. Part of your “awareness” has to do with the way you dress and the “kind of signals you’re sending out with your wardrobe choices.” Ugh. Shut up.

My biggest problem being, if you care about how you look and like how you look and take pride in it and really want to go all out that suddenly becomes some kind of “problem” because you’re being “slutty” or “thirsty” and according to the ominous cloud of sexist bullshit that hangs over all of us you’re not allowed to “do that” because it’s “wrong.”

This gets me so incredibly angry.

And it’s not just men. Women do this to each other and reinforce the whole ridiculous thing day in and day out. It’s like, “Oh that woman over there? She’s a thirsty slut, bye.” A

re they jealous because they can’t find the strength to go all out? Probably. But more likely they’re just brainwashed and we have to help them see the light, too. WE HAVE TO HELP EACH OTHER. (And if they don’t like wearing revealing clothes on their own bodies I’m not saying they have to. They choose their choice. Just so that’s clear.)

I’ve cared about how I look, liked how I look, took pride in how I look, and have “really wanted to go all out” since day one. I felt like this as a child, as a preteen, as a teenager, as an adult. I’ve felt like this at every size I’ve ever been, with every haircut. Sometimes I look back and I’m like “meh, don’t love this style now.” But never once have I said, “I regret going all out on that,” as far as the level of how revealing it was.

Because I don’t. And I shouldn’t be made to regret it. And I’m really going to start kicking people again if that’s what it’s going to have to come down to.

My parents never told me what to wear. And before you’re like, “Did they just let you run around with no shoes on and bite people like a feral child of the forest?!” please pause and realize that they were very disciplined about many other things. We weren’t allowed to play with toy guns. We weren’t allowed to eat candy cigarettes because they encouraged actual cigarette behavior. Stuff like that. THE IMPORTANT LIFE THREATENING ISSUES WERE EXPRESSED TO US AND WE WERE TAUGHT TO BE WARY OF THEM.

THE CLOTHES YOU WEAR ARE NOT A LIFE THREATENING ISSUE.

Tight dress in 8th grade = TOTALLY FINE LEAVE ME ALONE THX.

And if you wanna be like, “If you dress in a revealing way you’re making yourself a target for assault”…then you’re barking up the wrong tree. YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM. MAYBE WE SHOULD WORRY ABOUT STOPPING THE ASSAULT INSTEAD OF POLICING PEOPLE’S CLOTHING I DON’T KNOW JUST AN IDEA.

Perhaps we should teach people from a very young age that the amount of clothing someone is wearing doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t mean they want to have sex with you. It doesn’t mean they want your validation or attention. It doesn’t mean that they’re somehow weaker and could potentially be a victim. It’s not a thing. It’s clothing. It’s on them. Move along. Also you’re 4 years old. Calm down.

I realize that it’s part of BIOLOGY for people pay attention to secondary sex characteristics and that’s why when people see “boobs” they immediately think “sex.” But I’m talking about SOCIETY and I think by now after thousands of years around here we should be able to integrate our societal intelligence with our biological intelligence and like DO BETTER.

It’s called evolution EVER HEARD OF IT.

Also what’s that thing that moms are always talking about that it’s okay to breastfeed in public? Like, boobs have OTHER PURPOSES. THEY FEED BABIES. SO BOOBS CAN ALSO JUST SIT THERE AND BE A PART OF SOMEONE’S BODY AND NOT CAUSE YOU TO AUTOMATICALLY RELATE THEM TO SEX, YA SICKO.

I’m just annoyed. I know this isn’t anything that hasn’t been said before. But this is where I stand. And I will continue to stand here, scantily clad. And I won’t feel bad about it. So go find someone else to bother if you want to make someone feel bad. BECAUSE I DON’T, SO SHUT UP ALREADY.

i want to wear a fun outfit.

As usual I’m feeling really depressed about this whole thing and today it’s because I want to wear a fun outfit.

my fun outfits.

Okay yes I’m aware that I can wear a fun outfit any time I desire. I have a closet full of fun outfit materials. I could get dressed up to “go to work every day,” and put on makeup and jewelry and care about my hair. BUT IT HAS NO POINT.

And before you ask, I DO “dress for myself.” Like I’m not wearing anything to impress anyone or because someone told me to. But I AM wearing a fun outfit because I want to wear that outfit out into the world and I want to bask in the admiration of that world. Inversely I could also bask in the disdain, because no press is bad press, my friends.

“revealing” fun outfits.

Yes I’ve worn shorts and skirts that are too short, jeans that are too tight, very low cut tops, bathing suits for non-bathing suit activities that aren’t even near water, it’s true. These are my favorite things to wear. The chance of people being flabbergasted by the whole thing excites me. I challenge them to say something or give me a look. It would only make the whole thing more interesting.

Here in my own apartment there are no watchful, judging eyes. The challenge isn’t there. The adrenaline of opening the door to a bar and wondering who will be there and maybe it’s someone I know, and maybe it’s someone that doesn’t like me (I don’t waste my time disliking anyone but I’m careful to avoid those I believe dislike me because confrontation is my worst nightmare), or maybe it’s someone I want to see and I’m so happy to see them and approach them in my fun outfit and maybe even hug them.

I can’t believe I said I would hug them but this is the point of insanity I have reached.

fancy fun outfits.

Another favorite fun outfit pastime is wearing something fancy to a not so fancy thing. JUST BECAUSE IT’S FUN AF TO BE FANCY. LIKE WHY THE HELL NOT. I get a huge rush from people noticing or complimenting my outfit.

Am I the first person to admit this on the internet? Like I DO dress for ME, because it is MY FEELINGS that matter in this equation. Anyone can say anything about my outfit and I’m legit pumped. As I said, no press is bad press.

Soaring down Newark Ave on a spring day in a fancy embroidered (rented) Kate Spade dress and combat boots on the way to Departed Soles and some dude that’s friends with a dude you made out with at Pet Shop that one time and you’ve never even spoken to him and he yells, “Hello how are you? Nice dress!” As if he’s never SEEN a nice dress on this street before, THAT IS LIVING.

Wearing a tutu as often as your 4 year old niece and everyone starts to kind of expect that you’ll be wearing a tutu even to a backyard BBQ, THAT IS LIVING.

Walking into a party and meeting up with gal pals and wearing an outfit where your cleavage is kind of hanging out and they’re like <all making a face> because they’re just wearing jeans and t-shirts, THAT IS ALSO LIVING. PEOPLE ARE REACTING. THAT IS ENTERTAINMENT.

Also like, being known as “the gal that will always wear a fancy outfit” GIVES ME PRIDE. I NEED THIS PRIDE TO THRIVE.

I WANT TO WEAR A FUN OUTFIT. I also want to go to Pet Shop and Departed Soles again, UGH.

other people’s fun outfits.

The other side of this coin is other people’s fun outfits.

I WANT TO SEE OTHER PEOPLE’S FUN OUTFITS.

It’s great to be out in the world and around a bunch of other people because you can look at them and look at their outfits and make your judgements. My judgements have only been positive judgements for a long time. Like probably since middle school. I don’t have time to waste disparaging other people’s outfits. I’m too busy planning my own fun outfits, you guys. And I’m always looking for new ideas.

It really pumps me up to see someone else wearing a fun outfit or taking a fashion risk or just standing proudly and confidently in whatever they’ve chosen to wear. There isn’t enough pride and confidence among us.

music festival fun outfits.

The best place to see other people’s fun outfits is at music festivals, HANDS DOWN. Every year for the last many years, until this year (SOB), I have gone with my pals to Governor’s Ball. Gov Ball isn’t even the most outfit-y of the music festivals, that would prob be Coachella, but it is still SO FUN to see everyone’s outfits.

Every year “the youth” have a uniform, and they’re all wearing it. “The youth” would be the folks that are like, 23 and under. It’s usually a mix of some very small shorts paired with a very small shirt. It’s the shirt that has varied through the years. It’s been a halter, a bralette, a crop top, one year neon, one year tie dye. One year there was a weird amount of buffalo plaid that made sense to no one. But I love the youth for this. The consistency and mass acceptance of their wardrobe within their youth community comforts me.

For the rest of us, it’s time to wear a fun outfit! Some years I have gone all three days of the festival and had to plan an outfit for each. This took a great deal of time and commitment but neither of those things equaled the amount of SHEER PLEASURE I got out of selecting and wearing those outfits.

The past couple of years I have only gone for one day, so THAT outfit had to be THE BEST OUTFIT IN MY CLOSET. Or the best with some parts that were rented.

A music festival is like a different time and space with different rules and everyone is pumped about it. It’s a great place, a beautiful place. Everyone seems to feel excited and committed to wearing fun outfits proudly and confidently. There isn’t anywhere else like it and I wish it could be like that every day everywhere. Because most people don’t care that much about fun outfits, and I wish they did.

Fun outfits are like art. I mean I guess you could say they ARE art, you are the canvas. This idea is nothing new. I’m just writing it again but we’ve known it forever. I’m not creative or artistic, mostly because I have bad hand/eye coordination, but I do love a fun outfit.

AND I CAN’T WAIT TO WEAR ONE AGAIN WHERE EVERYONE CAN SEE IT.

What is the first fun outfit you’re going to wear and where are you going to wear it? I MUST KNOW.

rooftop ballerina.

I really don’t have much to say lately because I’m stuck inside and depressed AF. But here is me as a rooftop ballerina last weekend.

I’m a terrible dancer and that includes ballet but I’ve always loved a tutu.

And I will continue to wear tutus in perpetuity. They aren’t just for ballerinas. Or children.

No bra is cool right now, but no bra is ALWAYS cool for me. Deal w it.

In my morbid state of mind I may go as far to say I should be buried in a tutu.

This is the most fun I’ve ever had with the iPhone portrait feature.

Although I will be referring to my burial that happens at least 100 years from now.

Because before I get buried in a tutu, I want to be an alive and well old ass bitch running around the town in a tutu.

Yay!

It’s the only way.

Happy rooftop ballerina Saturday.

Ugh now I have to go back downstairs into my house cage.

Or whatever.

mask lewk.

Here is a mask lewk from when I went outside last weekend.

I like to wear big crazy earrings because I can’t do much with my face. This also works for Zoom meetings but applies to not being able to do much with my body.

At this point there may be more than one mask lewk but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

This is a homemade mask I folded myself using this information: Fold your own mask!

YES, I REALIZE THIS MASK PROTECTS ME FROM ALMOST NOTHING. Unforch I don’t have access to any “real” masks. They have all been sold. Even the non medical ones. I’m in a real pickle here.

I figure “almost nothing” is better than “actual nothing” so I feel okay about my choice.

Also I HATE wearing a mask because my face gets hot and itchy and I can’t breathe. I guess we’re prob all on the same page with that.

Cool.

A dog came to say hi! 🤗

no shop Q1.

Today I’m here to tell you about No Shop Q1 and how I failed at No Shop Q1.

This year, 2020, the year of our discontent, I failed at no shop Q1. Last year, 2019, I was able to do it successfully. Oh and the year before! Jeez, I was killin it.

But this year I failed.

“No Shop Q1” is something I invented for myself as like a resolution/challenge/personal growth thingy. I have a hard time NOT shopping. In fact, I sometimes shop every day, even if it’s just a small thing, like a scrunchie. That still counts as shopping. But OMG isn’t it so exciting that scrunchies are BACK?!

New scrunchies!

I didn’t know what the quarters of a financial year were until a couple of years ago when I started doing invoice stuff at work. This was idiotic on my part because the quarters of a financial year are the same as a regular year, which has twelve months and four quarters with three months each quarter. Okay that’s enough math for now. But when I learned what the quarters were and how people referred to them in “business,” it made me laugh to use them describe stuff that happened in my personal life.

I laugh a lot.

So No Shop Q1 was born. The rules of No Shop Q1 in 2018 began as: No shopping for clothes, shoes, jewelry, or accessories. The rules casually extended to No buying shit for your house, aka towels, placemats, vases, rugs, assorted “knick-knacks,” etc, etc. In 2018 I was able to stick with this. I really didn’t shop at all! At the end of No Shop Q1 in 2018, April 1, I awarded myself with a Rent the Runway Unlimited subscription and I was like, “OMG I’ll never have to shop again!”

Plot twist: I DID shop again, despite the Rent the Runwaty Unlimited membership. Can’t stop won’t stop.

Last year I stuck to the first rule successfully, but brazenly punched the second rule in the face. I bought so so much shit for my house because I was moving on April 15 and I LOVE THAT HOUSE SHIT. IT GOT OUT OF HAND. But at least I stuck to not buying clothes.

This year, 2020, I was already ready to give up on the whole thing by March 1. Even BEFORE that, in February, Rent the Runway sent me an email like, “We miss you! Come back for 50% off the month!” And I was like OMG obviously I HAVE to do that and renting ISN’T BUYING, RIGHT? You’re still spending money on clothes, dumbass.

Of course I took the offer!

By the time we were locked inside on March 15 or so, I was hardcore back to shopping. I got a ton of bracelets, and accidentally shipped them to my office. So they’re there, waiting for me. I’ve been aspiring toward a badass stack of bracelets and I can’t wait to debut it when I have more of an audience than my computer screen.

A stack from the past that I was proud of.

Headbands also really caught my eye and I got one in every color.

Love the colors 😍🤤

Along with necklaces.

And fun earrings.

Last, I got some skirts to wear with t-shirts because that just felt right. I thought I didn’t have that many skirts and then I cleaned my closet and realized I do. But didn’t have any that are like the new ones I got yet so I consider that a win.

JK I lied I did already have a denim skirt similar to this new one 😬

After a week or so of online shopping sprees, I got sad that I wouldn’t be able to wear this stuff for a while. Like I actually DO NOT EVEN KNOW when I’ll be able to wear this stuff outside. And I decided that getting MORE stuff may make me MORE depressed…which would be unprecedented. But I gave it up for now, just in case.

Even though I’ve stopped for now, I still failed at No Shop Q1. I also already failed at a potential No Shop Quarantine. I guess I could do No Shop <any other of the Qs> or No Shop Summer? Wait there is no WAY I can do No Shop Summer. I need at least 4 more bathing suits.

Life is hard.