Okay I’m being super basic and annoying but I have Sunday Scaries TIMES ONE MILLION.
“Sunday Scaries” is already bordering on ridiculous as an idea in the cultural lexicon that warrants attention and discussion. Like yes obviously people get stressed out on Sundays. Looking toward the week ahead can be overwhelming. But I don’t believe you are ACTUALLY SCARED so I need to emphasize that MY personal Sunday Scaries are Sunday Scaries times one million.
These are the scaries that will glue you to your bed for literal hours. And you just hide there, thinking about all of the things you need to do, feeling bad about yourself because you didn’t do them yet, but being too crippled by fear to do anything about it. ACTUAL TERRIFYING FEAR. It took me 3 hours to pump myself up to put away my laundry today, I’m not even lying.
When you have Sunday Scaries times one million, there’s just an overwhelming fear that comes with NEEDING to do something. Like, I NEED to go to work tomorrow. And I don’t mind work! I like the people there that I work with, we have good snacks, I enjoy sitting at the desk that I (kind of) built. It’s not work that I’m afraid of, it’s that I NEED to go there. Then all of a sudden it feels like a lot to deal with. I NEED to pack my bag for the gym in the morning so I can get ready there, I NEED to wake up at a certain time to get to the gym and then to work on time, I NEED to ride the piece of shit shuttle bus and then the PATH train which is also no picnic, then I NEED to walk IN THE COLD FOR 5 MINUTES to get to my office. When it’s laid out like that perilously before me…I honestly really feel very cripplingly overwhelmed.
I know, It’s stupid! First world problems, at least I have a job, etc etc. But I am here to tell you, HEAVY IS THE HEAD THAT WEARS THE CROWN, OK? I’ve been living in pajamas, I’ve been waking up early but not HURTFULLY EARLY, I get to sit on my couch and drink coffee instead of pouring it into my face as I try to make it somewhere, I go to the gym a little later in the day and it’s all very leisurely. I mean I have been LIVING THE LIFE and it’s hard to say goodbye. This is why I have Sunday Scaries times one million.
Beyond that, I have not gotten ANYTHING done that I said I was going to do during my long break. I was going to learn more about “blog shit” and I only worked on that a very little bit. I was going to write some posts ahead of time so I had them for days moving forward when I was too busy and didn’t want to stress myself out but no, I did not. I was going to clean out my closet and my workout clothes drawer and try to hang up shelves in the closet again and untangle the rat king of jewelry that I took to LA and then home for Xmas and then back here and it may be un-salvageable at this point. I didn’t do anything of those things. Well I did clean up my closet a little. But just a very little.
Just like in high school when I wouldn’t do my homework until Sunday night and I would be completely upset and annoyed and feeling the dread of the approaching morning. That is also now. I am an “adult,” and when I was a teenager I thought that when I “grew up” that I would never feel this way again. But I was wrong, WE WERE ALL WRONG IT IS A TRAP.
I took down my Xmas tree today, as it had fulfilled its final Xmas tree duty of being a background dancer in my NYE photos. As I grabbed the top of it to put it outside my door to take downstairs and discard later, I spoke to it. I said, “Thanks buddy. You did a good job.”
I AM CURRENTLY IN A MENTAL SPACE WHERE I WOULD SPEAK TO A DEAD TREE. And also thank it, for its service.
Today I came across some blablabla self care stuff on Instagram, and it made me feel a little better. Like, “don’t have the Sunday scaries! We know this is a super hard one, it’s back to real life tomorrow! You should prob do a mask, that would def help! SELF CARE BLABLABLA.”
And you know what, a mask MIGHT actually help. Do you guys even realize the power of a mask? It can get you to a heightened mental state, it’s not a lie. Okay I’m going to go do one. Also don’t worry, I will do all the things I NEED to do tomorrow and this week and for the rest of my life. Coping is a valuable tool, ever heard of it?
How do you feel about the Sunday Scaries? Do you get them? Are you ACTUALLY TERRIFIED or are you more just feeling inconvenienced about work and trying to get into the #sundayscaries trend? Again, I don’t accept your scaries unless you are crippled with fear and clinging to your bed. You’re going to have to look for a different name for “merely feeling bummed out about going back to work tomorrow.” Thx, bye.