i want to wear a fun outfit.

As usual I’m feeling really depressed about this whole thing and today it’s because I want to wear a fun outfit.

my fun outfits.

Okay yes I’m aware that I can wear a fun outfit any time I desire. I have a closet full of fun outfit materials. I could get dressed up to “go to work every day,” and put on makeup and jewelry and care about my hair. BUT IT HAS NO POINT.

And before you ask, I DO “dress for myself.” Like I’m not wearing anything to impress anyone or because someone told me to. But I AM wearing a fun outfit because I want to wear that outfit out into the world and I want to bask in the admiration of that world. Inversely I could also bask in the disdain, because no press is bad press, my friends.

“revealing” fun outfits.

Yes I’ve worn shorts and skirts that are too short, jeans that are too tight, very low cut tops, bathing suits for non-bathing suit activities that aren’t even near water, it’s true. These are my favorite things to wear. The chance of people being flabbergasted by the whole thing excites me. I challenge them to say something or give me a look. It would only make the whole thing more interesting.

Here in my own apartment there are no watchful, judging eyes. The challenge isn’t there. The adrenaline of opening the door to a bar and wondering who will be there and maybe it’s someone I know, and maybe it’s someone that doesn’t like me (I don’t waste my time disliking anyone but I’m careful to avoid those I believe dislike me because confrontation is my worst nightmare), or maybe it’s someone I want to see and I’m so happy to see them and approach them in my fun outfit and maybe even hug them.

I can’t believe I said I would hug them but this is the point of insanity I have reached.

fancy fun outfits.

Another favorite fun outfit pastime is wearing something fancy to a not so fancy thing. JUST BECAUSE IT’S FUN AF TO BE FANCY. LIKE WHY THE HELL NOT. I get a huge rush from people noticing or complimenting my outfit.

Am I the first person to admit this on the internet? Like I DO dress for ME, because it is MY FEELINGS that matter in this equation. Anyone can say anything about my outfit and I’m legit pumped. As I said, no press is bad press.

Soaring down Newark Ave on a spring day in a fancy embroidered (rented) Kate Spade dress and combat boots on the way to Departed Soles and some dude that’s friends with a dude you made out with at Pet Shop that one time and you’ve never even spoken to him and he yells, “Hello how are you? Nice dress!” As if he’s never SEEN a nice dress on this street before, THAT IS LIVING.

Wearing a tutu as often as your 4 year old niece and everyone starts to kind of expect that you’ll be wearing a tutu even to a backyard BBQ, THAT IS LIVING.

Walking into a party and meeting up with gal pals and wearing an outfit where your cleavage is kind of hanging out and they’re like <all making a face> because they’re just wearing jeans and t-shirts, THAT IS ALSO LIVING. PEOPLE ARE REACTING. THAT IS ENTERTAINMENT.

Also like, being known as “the gal that will always wear a fancy outfit” GIVES ME PRIDE. I NEED THIS PRIDE TO THRIVE.

I WANT TO WEAR A FUN OUTFIT. I also want to go to Pet Shop and Departed Soles again, UGH.

other people’s fun outfits.

The other side of this coin is other people’s fun outfits.

I WANT TO SEE OTHER PEOPLE’S FUN OUTFITS.

It’s great to be out in the world and around a bunch of other people because you can look at them and look at their outfits and make your judgements. My judgements have only been positive judgements for a long time. Like probably since middle school. I don’t have time to waste disparaging other people’s outfits. I’m too busy planning my own fun outfits, you guys. And I’m always looking for new ideas.

It really pumps me up to see someone else wearing a fun outfit or taking a fashion risk or just standing proudly and confidently in whatever they’ve chosen to wear. There isn’t enough pride and confidence among us.

music festival fun outfits.

The best place to see other people’s fun outfits is at music festivals, HANDS DOWN. Every year for the last many years, until this year (SOB), I have gone with my pals to Governor’s Ball. Gov Ball isn’t even the most outfit-y of the music festivals, that would prob be Coachella, but it is still SO FUN to see everyone’s outfits.

Every year “the youth” have a uniform, and they’re all wearing it. “The youth” would be the folks that are like, 23 and under. It’s usually a mix of some very small shorts paired with a very small shirt. It’s the shirt that has varied through the years. It’s been a halter, a bralette, a crop top, one year neon, one year tie dye. One year there was a weird amount of buffalo plaid that made sense to no one. But I love the youth for this. The consistency and mass acceptance of their wardrobe within their youth community comforts me.

For the rest of us, it’s time to wear a fun outfit! Some years I have gone all three days of the festival and had to plan an outfit for each. This took a great deal of time and commitment but neither of those things equaled the amount of SHEER PLEASURE I got out of selecting and wearing those outfits.

The past couple of years I have only gone for one day, so THAT outfit had to be THE BEST OUTFIT IN MY CLOSET. Or the best with some parts that were rented.

A music festival is like a different time and space with different rules and everyone is pumped about it. It’s a great place, a beautiful place. Everyone seems to feel excited and committed to wearing fun outfits proudly and confidently. There isn’t anywhere else like it and I wish it could be like that every day everywhere. Because most people don’t care that much about fun outfits, and I wish they did.

Fun outfits are like art. I mean I guess you could say they ARE art, you are the canvas. This idea is nothing new. I’m just writing it again but we’ve known it forever. I’m not creative or artistic, mostly because I have bad hand/eye coordination, but I do love a fun outfit.

AND I CAN’T WAIT TO WEAR ONE AGAIN WHERE EVERYONE CAN SEE IT.

What is the first fun outfit you’re going to wear and where are you going to wear it? I MUST KNOW.

sad gal music vol 1.

I was listening to Best Coast on Amtrak a few weeks ago and I was thinking about how I used to listen to Best Coast all day every day. And I remembered those days. And like any old person, “I can’t say that I miss ‘em, things are better now harhar.” But like they are.

I’m pretty sure the person that introduced me to sad gal music is this guy I used to date that had a walk-in closet and he mostly only had his drums in there. I loved that walk-in closet. And I’m glad he showed me sad gal music. He showed me a lot of cool music and I am forever grateful. He also lived in JC when I (shamefully! stupidly! only because my rent was $700!) lived in Hoboken and helped me see that I had to move to JC ASAP. And then I did.

When I was younger, like in high school, I think the top 3 CDs on rotation in my car were Nelly, Nas, and 50cent. I still don’t fully know how a whole grade of 152 students attending a high school literally in the middle of a cornfield got completely obsessed with this type of music but that can be explored another time. Update: Nick read this and told me, “it was MTV, DUH.” Mystery solved.

And then in college I listened pretty much exclusively to Bob Marley. And cheerleading music I guess. But that was it.

So my brain was ripe for finding and accepting and absorbing and relating to some new music. I think.

And Best Coast was the perfect gateway to sad gal music. They are Bethany Cosentino and Bobb Bruno and they are my favorite. The lyrics are simple but poignant, to me at least. Like, boys are bad and they break your heart and you hate them but you love them so you’ll let them keep breaking your heart and the pain is beautiful and you will chase after them even though skateboards go faster than human legs can go and you should have learned to skateboard when you were ten and you had the chance.

JK they didn’t say the part about the skateboards. But I did.

No matter what song, for me they all invoke a sense of longing. When I’m sad, the thing I get most sad about is that feeling of longing, of wanting something you don’t have and feeling so desperate to have it that it feels like you have a black hole in your chest. Does anyone else know about this?

Maybe you don’t but you can agree that the happy, surf-y, California-y vibe of the music is the complete opposite of the lyrics and that’s part of what I like about it. Like hey we’re jamming on the west coast BEST COAST but people still suck and we still want things we can’t have and feel like shit about it.

I’ve often told people “if you want to know what the inside of my head sounds like, listen to Best Coast.” Things have gotten a little different over the years but I think this still applies most of the time.

I mentioned previously that part of my love for Best Coast comes from them being open about mental illness and that comes out in the songs as well. And it’s just a real feel fest.

I used to listen to it every day because I felt this desperate longing EVERY DAY and I felt a strong sense of solidarity and validation as I blasted this in my headphones and stomped around everywhere in combat boots and maybe that’s why I went deaf in one ear I guess we’ll never know.

It just really fit my VIBES for an extended period of time. A period of time that was like…OH GROSS A WHOLE DECADE PRETTY MUCH.

I’ve been to quite a few of their shows, and I can’t locate the photos from any of them. I know there was one at Terminal 5, one somewhere in Brooklyn, and one in a random spot on the West Side Highway that I thought was random as hell. I also missed them one year at Governor’s Ball because that was the ONLY year we took the ferry and that stupid thing made us late. Don’t take the ferry. Just walk you guys.

One time when I was in LA I met Best Coast! They were DJing at this Space 15Twenty place on Cahuenga (ka-WANG-a) and I walked up to them and was so excited and glad to meet them and I only spoke to them for like 20 seconds but they were the best….COAST!

JK that was dumb.

But I was so excited, look at my face here.

I mean I look insane but they look cool as hell and also kind. That’s how they always look I love them.

2016 was a tough year for many and we also got Trump later that year, but 2016 was my rebuilding year so I am not mad at 2016. And meeting Best Coast in 2016 was part of that.

And then in 2017 they CAME TO JERSEY CITY and did a show at White Eagle Hall which I could walk to in 5 mins from my old apartment. And it was like two of the things I love most in the world (JC+BC) came together in a perfect moment in an old high school gym turned concert venue. And it was like that because that’s what it was. They killed it at White Eagle, these poorly compressed .gifs don’t lie.

I started writing this earlier today because I’ve been wanting to write about them, my most fav band, and a few hours after I started writing it I saw on Bethany’s Instagram that they’re coming out with a new album on 11/5! Like they just said that today! IT’S LIKE I KNEW.

IT IS SCORPIO SEASON.

(Bethany is also a Scorpio)

So go ahead and listen to them on Spotify or wherever you get your music these days. You have like a week to catch up before this new album!

I think it’s best to start from the beginning, so chronologically you would want to do these first (links go to Spotify):

Make You Mine 7”

Something In the Way

Then head over to this one, their first more mainstream one:

Crazy For You

Love it. And then next comes my fav:

The Only Place

And also these two which I also like but didn’t listen to quite as obsessively as Crazy For You and The Only Place but still pretty obsessively:

Fade Away

California Nights

Honestly I love them all. What about you? Do you love Best Coast? Do you love another band as much as I love Best Coast? Do you like sad gal music as an overall genre? I do. And I’ll talk more about it soon. Thanks for listening.