madame claude at white eagle hall.

During Normal Times™️ White Eagle Hall was a fun, fab, fantastic place to see live music in Jersey City. I saw some of my most favs there: Best Coast, Waxahatchee, The Black Lips. LIFE WAS GOOD.

Life isn’t that good now but we DO have the option of dining at Madame Claude AT White Eagle Hall and I think that’s pretty great, you guys.

We can eat food and drink drinks AND hear live music! The folks playing the music walk around and play the music! We can be inside this really cool historic building that I actually really, REALLY missed and have a great night!

Last night we really had a great night.

I had a TON of La vie en rose cocktails. Definitely lost count but it was a ton.

A TON.

The La vie en rose cocktail has lychee and vodka and some other stuff but I was mostly in it for the lychee. And the lychee was in it for ME.

We had a charcuterie board as an appetizer. Because we do what we must.

For my entree I chose the salmon. IT WAS INCRED. GET THE SALMON YOU GUYS.

They were kind enough to allow us to outsource dessert because it was my friend’s bday. Like they let her bring in a tray of banana pudding from baonanas and a delicious cake. The birthday desserts were EXCEPTIONAL and I was glad we got to have them.

All night the band played jazzy music on stage and it set a wonderful mood.

It was a great choice of birthday venue for my pal and I’d love to go back.

The end.

self love soirée.

Hey hi just going to do a quick recap of the Self Love Soiree I attended on Saturday because self love is very important especially during these valentines times.

LIKE VERY IMPORTANT.

I’ve written about this before but I think Valentine’s Day is a great time to reflect on loving yourself. Wait have I written about this before? I know I’ve written about loving your friends on Valentine’s Day. Also important!

Either way, love yourself. Just do it. It feels great. It’s totally worth it. And in the world today there are actually a ton of opportunities for self love and self care and it’s now socially acceptable to take a break and take a breath and also to admire yourself so LET’S DO IT.

The night before the Self Love Soiree I returned to drinking after a dry January so it was VERY DIFFICULT to get going but I eventually got out of bed. After a cold brew and a green juice at The Cottage on Monticello I was happily on my way to Deep Space/The Hive for the Soiree.

Yes, I do go there every weekend I guess. My boyfriend referred to it as my “community center.” MAYBE IT IS. It’s great because I can walk there and there’s always fun stuff there! I don’t know how it could get any better. I’m not ashamed.

Unfortunately I was still very hungover so I didn’t get a lot of pics. But I’ll share with you what I did!

I was excited to get a pair of conversation heart earrings from Aly Cupcake/Aly’s Little Things. THEY ARE SO COOL. There’s nothing I love more than cute jewelry with bad words on it. That’s not a lie.

WTF.

She also had some really awesome pink/red/romantic looking earrings with Cupids and actual anatomical hearts on them that were SO COOL. Truthfully I really wanted these but technically I’m still in “No Shop Q1” so I’m not supposed to buy clothes or accessories.

I know I cheated with buying the convo heart earrings but they were like $10 so I think that’s a minimal shopping footprint.

Had to support a local business, you guys.

I really enjoyed checking out the display that find & revive set up. I realize I’m a broken record with this but the space looks so different at every event and I think that is so cool. I MEAN IT IS MY COMMUNITY CENTER, PEOPLE.

They had lots of reds and purples and animal print and it was all very romantic and lovely. Honestly I couldn’t even go near it because I would have been too tempted to buy.

I can’t wait until April 1.

This Saturday 2/13/21, find & revive will be back with a pop up at the Galentine’s event at Monroe’s in Hoboken so check THAT out. (I will)

Tainable, Kaze Jewels, and Dalia Handcrafts were also in attendance as vendors. I didn’t get to take the closest look at them on Saturday but I checked them out on Instagram and they all have great stuff so I hope to see them again when I can buy…EVERYTHING.

On my way out I got distracted by some books and I came across two advance copies of books I’ve been wanting to read! Like they’re released now but these copies were advance at one time and now very affordable because the person that had them originally was giving them away. Because books are expensive!

One of them is Detransition, Baby and it’s the next book for Roxanne Gay’s online book club The Audacious Book Club SO THIS WORKED OUT PERFECTLY. I can tell you more about the book club another time but it’s really incredibly great and you should also subscribe to her newsletter The Audacity BECAUSE WHY NOT.

I got the books from Xtina’s Variety and Vintage Shop and I’m going to be looking for more books there next time. BECAUSE BOOKS.

So that was the Self Love Soiree! I loved myself so much that I needed a nap after. A long one.

As far as my community center, there is a Galentine’s event there this weekend they’re hosting along with JC Women’s Collaborative that looks very fun so if you’re a gal and you have pals that are gals you should check it out.

jc women’s collaborative swap at xtina’s variety and vintage shop.

This past Saturday it was VERY COLD but it was also the day of the JC Women’s Collaborative swap at Xtina’s Variety and Vintage shop and I HAD TO GO.

I had never been to a clothing swap before and I’d honestly heard some scary stories. For some reason most of them involved “Brooklyn,” but it would be like “My friend took me to a swap in Brooklyn and it was a free for all!” Or, “I went to a swap in Brooklyn and everyone just GRABBED THINGS.”

To me it seemed like swaps were frightening because they included a competitive element and I wanted nothing to do with that. I’m not a competitive person and any kind of tense feelings really stress me out. I don’t want to FIGHT for things. It just seems like A LOT.

Anyway this swap WAS NOT LIKE THAT so don’t worry. It was great! It was very organized and didn’t feel like a race or a crazed collective grab for the best items or anything like that. It was all very civilized and fun.

Embarrassingly, I arrived 15 minutes early. I was ashamed. I didn’t intend to be that early and I felt like a nerd. Once again, I had walked way too fast and gotten very sweaty. One day I will learn my lesson but that day was not Saturday.

As I mentioned, IT WAS VERY COLD. LIKE VERY. Leading up to the swap Xtina had suggested that we wear layers, with a yoga pants/sports bra or tank layer at the bottom, so we could stay warm but also try on clothes over the bottom layer if we wanted. This was great advice because it worked out and I stayed warm.

COLD.

It’s very good to follow instructions, my friends.

Upon arrival we were given a wristband with a number on it and that indicated when it would be our turn to go upstairs to swap. (I was #2) (Be impressed.)

I’ve seen Deep Space Gallery and the store downstairs be set up a few different ways and it never stops impressing me with how versatile it is and the different ways they use the space. It’s just fun. There’s always something new to see.

While we waited for our turn to go upstairs to swap, DJs played music in the shop downstairs and we were invited to browse the shop and also the wares of some vendors that were in attendance – @cutpasteface, and @primcessart, and @talirose_art from @visioncoven

Again, there was so much stuff to look at. I really enjoy looking at stuff. A simple pleasure.

Soon enough it was time to go upstairs! The clothes were split up into racks by size, and there were tables organized by size for jeans and loungewear. Accessories were on a small table, and handbags were in a box.

We had 5 mins to choose 3 things and I suddenly got very excited so I didn’t take any pictures. I’m sorry, you’ll never know what the actual swap part actually looked like.

JK you can see some pics on Xtina’s Instagram, @xtina_moore. Calm down. Go look!

In the first round I got this BLUE TORY BURCH PURSE and I felt like I WON THE ENTIRE DAY. Like, this freakin freezing ass Saturday was MINE!

I MEAN LOOK AT IT!

After the first round we got back in line and went for the second round. This time we still had 5 mins but we could choose 5 items instead of 3. I was pumped because I got something in the second round that I had left behind in the first.

Despite not being a competitive person…I did feel like I was winning at this swap. I mean, NBD.

But I think everyone felt that way! It was a great and happy and positive experience. We all chatted in line and made new pals. We got excited when people picked one of the items we had dropped off. It was a nice feeling.

I came away from the swap with THE PURSE, a brand new with tags maxi dress from Anthropologie, a gold sequin top, a fun late 80s/early 90s looking cropped jacket with sparkly gold embroidery and velvet buttons, a basic black shift dress that is the SOFTEST jersey material, a tie-dyed Trader Joe’s T-shirt, and a couple more things. Those were my most favs.

I like the sequin/sparkly stuff best and there was actually a good amount of that there. I think because people only wear it for New Year’s Eve and then they’re done. But I like to wear sequins ALWAYS and you’re going to have to accept that THANKS.

So that was the swap! And they’re gonna have more! Follow JC Women’s Collaborative and Xtina on Instagram and they’ll keep you posted!

JC Women’s Collaborative also does in-person (socially distanced, when it’s nice) and Zoom meetups with guest speakers that are fun, informative, and thought-provoking. Their next Zoom meeting is on Feb 4 at 7pm and the topic is mental health, a v important topic! You can find more at @jcwomenscollaborative on Instagram.

And Xtina’s Variety and Vintage shop has a record sale event coming up this very weekend. On 1/30 1pm-5pm they’ll be selling records 4 for $1! I’m gonna go. If you like records maybe you should go too! I don’t know, I’m not your dad. They’re at 77 Cornelison Ave in Jersey City.

jc women’s collaborative holiday bazaar at the hive goods.

I’m now in the midst of a personal two week quarantine but the last fun social thing I did out in the public was check out the JC Women’s Collaborative Holiday Bazaar at The Hive Goods.

The Hive Goods is the downstairs shop at one of my favorite local galleries, Deep Space. This was the first time I was there specifically for shopping and not only for art-gawking. And I was ready to shop my face off.

Like many women (I hope I’m not the only one?) I have an issue when it’s gift buying time in which I buy gifts for myself instead of for others. OR gifts for myself in addtion to the gifts I’m getting for others. It’s just the way it goes. I love stuff just as much as the next real work-from-home housewife of New Jersey. It’s just the way it is. And I’m not sorry.

So there was a TON of stuff there that I would have LOVED to buy for myself, or even the majority of my female relatives. But the problem was, I already got the gifts for the other gals so I was mostly looking for something for my dad and brother who are both THE HARDEST TO SHOP FOR.

(I hope) they read this, so I won’t reveal what exactly I got for them but I did find a small thing or two for each of them!

But mostly I got things for myself.

I tried.

Here’s a bit about some of the vendors!:

the hive goods.

As I said I’ve never gone over to 77 Corneilson just for shopping so I was very excited. Because shopping!

The most exciting thing to be done was go up to the roof and socially distance myself and fill up a bag with stuff in the bins up there for TEN DOLLARS.

Xtina, matriarch of The Hive Goods, sources and sells vintage and consignment items, and also hosts clothing swaps in the shop. So there were BINS ON BINS.

There was so much stuff! I got two little clutch purses in wild colors BECAUSE WHY NOT.

I got a skirt.

A picture frame that I put this year’s Xmas card in!

Also a print of a peacock because I need to surround myself with feathered friends THANKS.

I got even MORE stuff but I can’t tell because that stuff was gifts.

I DID get some gifts. OKAY?!

a petal to peddle.

These wreaths were BEAUTIFUL and the first kiosk you saw when you approached the building.

I follow A Petal to Peddle on Instagram but for whatever reason I’ve never seen their stuff in real life and it was SO PRETTY.

And smelled so nice. LIKE PINE.

Because WREATHS.

These items were all wanted by me and me alone so I couldn’t get any because I was supposed to be getting GIFTS. But next time it’s game on.

tia planta.

Tia Planta is the plant aunt you’ve always wanted and it clearly says it in her name and therefore cannot be denied.

Even though plants meet certain death as my wards, I LOVE PLANTS AND TO BE AMONG THEM.

The Hive Goods was completely transformed for this bazaar and I love to see the different ways a space can be used. It gets me pumped up. Who knows why. But I think the best new and innovative use of a space I already know and love was putting a forest of plants on top of the pool table.

It just looked totally awesome.

I didn’t get any plants because I wasn’t in a position to carry them around on my Saturday activities but that didn’t mean I didn’t WANT to.

Tia Planta also currently has a pop up kiosk in McGinley Sq and after I’m done with my self quar for Xmas I plan to head over.

artesana pottery.

It’s no secret that I love some pottery. Or maybe I’ve never talked about it. I don’t remember.

Artesana Pottery was SUPER cool and unique and each piece is the literal definition of one of a kind. I know that because the gal in charge of the pottery told me it was so.

This great gal ALSO gave us some coquito and it was INCREDIBLE. Super into coquito these days and 10/10 would Artesana Coquito(TM) again.

I did end up getting something for myself here and it was this hand dish with SPIDERS on it to save for Halloween decor next year.

She also had a number of pieces with generic birds and also OWLS and I was VERY TEMPTED.

I do follow her on Instagram so I can always order there. When it’s socially appropriate to buy things for myself again.

slow burn alters.

Slow Burn Alters was recently created by a gal of all trades, master of most of them, who also does some art, beautiful (and heartbreaking in a good way) poetry I’ve come across on the internets, and community reach out via a group called Locality Giveback.

Whew!

As for the alters, they were nicely put together and packaged – a perfect gift for a pal or fam member who is in touch with the spiritual side of themselves.

My pal got one and we opened it up back at her house and it had a tiny little baby candle with a holder and a crystal and a sage thingy and it was so mini and compact and also perfectly suited for its purpose and was therefore swoon-worthy. Even though I personally am not spiritual at all and unsure of its purpose…I still felt like it HAD to have checked all the boxes for a rad spiritual moment at home or on the go.

jc women’s collaborative.

JC Women’s Collaborative is a group I’ve been seeing around the town and they seemed fun and not mean and I’ve been meaning to go to one of their events! One time they had one in Lincoln Park in the fall and I couldn’t find them and I gave up and just laid on a blanket and watched their Instagram stories. As we existed in parallel universes in the same park…

So I was glad I found my way to this event! They ran the show and were super welcoming. They gave out fun Jersey City masks (“fun” because anything with “Jersey City” written on it is VERY FUN to me), hand sanitizer, coffee, and overall “vibes.”

They even gave me some cups for our coquito when I know I was being very annoying asking for them. TRUE HEROES!

In addition to hosting this bazaar, they also hosted a super fun and festive Zoom holiday party on Thursday and it was worth the hangover I had after 2 glasses of wine and one beer.

I GOT 8/10 ON THE TRIVIA.

Just had to tell someone.

flow initiative.

Not a vendor, but The Flow Initiative was at the event collecting period products. I’ve had a long saga with these period products. I got an IUD a few years ago and didn’t know I wouldn’t get a period anymore but I don’t AND I LOVE IT. But, I had all these tampons. Like three boxes. Just collecting dust.

I have been meaning to bring them to JaneDO, and to the last show at Deep Space to pass off to Xtina.

They were in a bag by my door. I forgot them like 5 times in a month-long period. I think eventually they got thrown away.

I had to go buy more before the event.

BUT I GOT THEM SOME TAMPONS TO CONTINUE CHANGING THE WORLD BY GETTING PERIOD PRODUCTS FOR THOSE THAT NEED THEM.

And I’m glad.

The JC Women’s Collaborative Holiday Bazaar at The Hive Goods was obviously badass. There were additional vendors but I didn’t even really get to spend time with them all. I hope they do it again just because and I can buy stuff for ME. maybe in the spring?

Well, The Hive Goods is also doing it again! It’s tomorrow (12/20) so I can’t go since I have to quar, but YOU should go. It’s 1-6pm at 77 Corneilson Ave in Jersey City.

Go on, git.

outdoor baby shower.

Hey look it’s us! Of virtual bridal brunch fame! We’re back with an outdoor baby shower!

This past weekend we had an outdoor baby shower for my lil sis. The same lil sis we had a virtual bridal brunch for back in April.

We really wanted to have a gathering with actual people that were actually physically together. It felt important.

Of course we followed all the social distancing rules. Like why wouldn’t we? But that meant we had to have the shower NOW while it’s still warm enough for people to hang out in the outdoors and before there is a huge fall spike in COVID cases, as predicted.

So we had to have the shower a bit early. My sister is due at the end of February, and usually a shower for that would happen in like…December? I don’t really know. But I do know it would happen a little later because most people look very pregnant in their shower pics. That’s really all I have to go off of.

My sister only looks kinda pregnant. Like you can tell she is but she’s not waddling around yet. That’s the usual shower look. BUT NOT AT THIS SHOWER BECAUSE WE HAD TO GET THAT SUCKER DONE BEFORE THE WORLD PRESUMABLY SHUTS DOWN AGAIN.

Cutie 💕

MAKE HAY WHILE THE SUN SHINES AS THE GREAT LAURA INGALLS WILDER SAID, OR MAYBE IT WAS HER DAD, AND I WORE MY COWBOY BOOTS DAMMIT.

Cowboy boots.

So we planned it out, and by “we” I mean my mom and my sister’s mother in law, and I think we did okay. I THINK WE DID GREAT.

These things are always difficult and complex to wrangle, even when you’re not in the midst of a global pandemic. There are just so many moving parts. At one point I thought I’d be good at this shit because I spent so many years “producing”…aka literally orchestrating other people’s lives like they were my own personal marionettes.

Gift haul.

But it’s still hard. It’s a lot of planning! And plotting! And pondering! JEEZUZ I AM EXHAUSTED.

Anyway here’s what we did.

decorations.

The baby is a girl, so as far as decorations we had some pink things like plates, tablecloths, and balloons. Beyond that it wasn’t overly cutesy.

Nicest deck ever.

The shower was held at my sister’s mother in law’s house (my mother in law, in law?) and she did an awesome job of decorating with hay and pumpkins and scarecrows.

It was seasonally appropriate! And adorable! I enjoyed walking around and looking at all the little scarecrow babies.

There were also pumpkins there that they grew in their own backyard and as you can imagine I was PUMPED AF about that. Pumpkins in their own backyard?! Wahooo!!!!

games.

Okay I’m going to be honest about this. No one likes games. No one wants to play games at a baby shower or at any shower or party overall across the universe.

I’m sorry I had to be that direct. But no one likes games. I personally despise games but I made an effort to infuse some games into the party and was met with a flaming pile of disinterest.

We did play one game where people get an ice cube with a tiny plastic baby bottle inside and the first person whose ice melts screams, “My water broke!” and then they win a prize. Luckily one of the kids present won the game and the prize.

BECAUSE GAMES ARE FOR KIDS.

Do kids even like them?

(Not the kid that won)

Anyway after one game I decided we wouldn’t do the second game because no one showed much interest in the first one.

I was proud of my ability to read the (outdoor) room and pivot on a moment’s notice.

You’re welcome.

foods.

THERE WERE SO MANY FOODS AT THIS PARTY.

Our mom made stromboli, which is my most favorite thing that she ever makes. I ate like 5 pieces. I’m sorry.

My sister’s mother in law made meatballs and stuffed cabbage. I meant to try the stuffed cabbage because I’ve never had it! But I didn’t get to. I really blew it. Hopefully she makes it again at a future family function FINGERS CROSSED.

There were a ton of desserts and I ate two of each. I was saving up my full week of dessert consumption, 6 days worth of desserts, for this party. I didn’t feel well afterwards but it was worth it.

Look at these cute little net tents to keep flies off the food! Perfect for an outdoor baby shower, if you ask me. And you’re here, so you did.

notes to baby.

There is all kinds of baby shower stuff online and you can’t do a “baby shower stuff that doesn’t suck” Google search without coming across something like these.

These little lists are cute and give prompts and require minimal effort, a perfect combo! We passed them out to the guests to fill out while it was present opening time so they had something to do besides gawk at my sister and her husband while she opened presents.

Look at this awesome handmade quilt!

As far as present opening during the party, I don’t know that everyone does that anymore? I think it’s your choice but not required. Either way choose your choice and feel good about it. I give you permission.

caramel apple bar.

My mom and I were most excited for the caramel apple bar and I’d like to say my sister also liked it best. She’s usually a big sweets-head like me, but she hasn’t been feeling so great in her first months of pregnancy and moved away from the sweets. Frankly she moved away from most foods overall. But caramel apples still catch her eye and make her glad so that’s why we made the bar!

If you look up “caramel apple bar” online a whole bunch of shit comes up. Go ahead, try it.

Some of the articles/blogs/pins/whatever said to cut them in slices or soak them in vodka or stand on one foot while you dip them in caramel. There are many methods.

Our method was to stick a popsicle stick into an apple and dip it in caramel, then dip it into whatever toppings the recipient wanted. I say “recipient” because I was preparing the apples with gloves on and I was the only person touching the toppings. We tried to keep it COVID safe.

Overall no one was interested in the caramel apples except my sis, sis in law, niece and nephew, my mom, and me.

Whatever, the rest of them don’t know what they’re missing.

Also when I was done making my apple and sat down to eat it my 6 year old nephew told me “Don’t go and take a cute picture with your caramel apple now <eye roll>.” So then I did. He’s not the boss of me.

dudes were there too.

My sister requested that my brother in law’s pals be there too. My dad was there, and some husbands and at least one uncle, my Uncle Tom who gave my Grammie a ride. Some of them said it was the first baby shower they attended and they liked it and I was glad. It’s a party after all, the more the merrier. I mean we were eating and drinking and making merry, baby stuff just happened to be there.

I think it’s a nice move to include the dudes. As an experienced baby shower-holding professional I say go for it.

So that was the outdoor baby shower! It went great! We were all very proud of the turn out and glad to get it done before it gets too cold or the world shuts down again.

I already said that, but the doom is upon us and will arrive eventually and we must prepare ourselves.

i love betty on hbo.

I love Betty on HBO. And don’t worry, they just got renewed for a 2nd season.

Why do I love Betty on HBO? You may be aware that I have always been a huge fan of skateboarding and folks that skateboard. Like since birth. Or at least since I could comprehend other people doing sports that I would never, ever be brave enough to do.

I was never coordinated or athletic, and as a kid I mostly wanted to read books, so I never really took an opportunity to learn this skill I so admired. I chose to just creepily stare at other people doing it. Just bein’ a lurker. Really great at lurking.

I’m sorry, I can’t not.

I’ve always been amazed/enthralled/obsessed with feats of physical prowess and for whatever reason watching people skateboard was always at the top of my list. As a kid I would watch dudes skateboarding, totally entranced. I didn’t know if I wanted to make out with them or if I wanted to BE them.

I definitely wanted to make out with them.

But maybe it was a little bit of both.

These days I still get pretty hypnotized watching. The very sound of polyurethane wheels on pavement makes my ears perk up and demands my immediate attention. It’s difficult for me to triangulate where the sound is coming from because I’m deaf in one ear, but I still try to catch a glimpse even if it means spinning around in a circle until I see where I can find them.

On Betty the CHICKS do the skateboarding, and I definitely want to be them, although it’s not my style to make out with other gals so we’ll keep it to just the “being them” and not making out with them, as far as I’m concerned.

I love to see gals being pals and having fun and supporting each other. And also being athletes! And telling dudes to STFU! Last summer (omg were they shooting last summer I BET THEY WERE), I saw Nina Moran (HOLY SHIT SHE HAS A TED TALK?!), who plays “Kirt” on the show, by the Flatiron Building during my lunch break and I was like omgomgomg. Her character is goofy but I think she’s my fav. She always wears tie-dye and shorts and even though she has more of a masculine style vibe she always wears fun dangly earrings and bright colors. I couldn’t bring myself to be like “Hey! I love you! And Skate Kitchen! And gals supporting gals! And Intersectional Feminism! Please be my best friend!” so I just kind of stared. Even though the actors/characters are a century younger than me, I kind of look up to them.

Okay, I definitely look up to them. They all wear fun clothes and are bold and confident and they run around NYC and make it their bitch. Betty is inspired/kind of an extension of Skate Kitchen, which is also amazing GO WATCH IT.

What really struck me about Betty at first, and what continues to mesmerize me, is that they are romping around in what appears to be an NYC summer that never ends. It’s always warm, the leaves are green, they go to a public pool, and there is even a surprise thunderstorm where they have to run inside and hide in a bodega.

Relatable AF.

We started watching the show during social distancing, and it provided a much needed escape. I jumped right into their world and for 30 minutes pretended to be a late teens/early twenties-something, with no work and no school, FREE TO RUN AROUND IN THE OUTDOORS with my pals and bask under green leaves in eternal sunshine.

I don’t know, I just really like it. You should like it too. GO WATCH NOW K THX.

i applied to #SephoraSquad.

I applied to #SephoraSquad because it sounds fun as hell and also because there isn’t anything fun to do these days besides fill out forms on the internet.

If you want, and also like to fill out forms on the internet, you can give them a little testimonial about me and why you enjoy and are entertained by the shanimal of it all. To help me get on the squad! You guys! And you can submit that testimonial here.

If not, please enjoy this image they generated for me to share with you. I believe it just shows my Instagram profile pic and my two most liked recent posts. One of my most liked recent posts, and I think my most liked post OF ALL TIME, is a pic from Getty images in 2002 of a pangolin. I have no idea why this post was my most liked post of all time. But pangolins are pretty darn cute.

how was your weekend?

How was your weekend? You probably didn’t get to go anywhere. I didn’t get to go anywhere either BECAUSE WE ARE ALL TRAPPED.

If there was a time to be trapped, in the history of time, that time is now because we have many ways to escape our home prison and to communicate with each other.

Ahoy!

Zooms have saved my life. Zooms have saved everyone’s lives. Or Google hangouts or FaceTimes or whatever the hell. All of it is great.

I prepared for a Zoom bday party on Saturday by throwing together an outfit that can only be described as APOCA-DISCO. I guess. That’s how I would describe it.

I also set up a little Zoom area that was festive for the Zoom bday party and included many of my animal friends.

They’re not live animals. I’ve been considering obtaining live animals, even just for short term social distancing fostering, but I’m afraid they’d mess up my stuff. They’d def mess up my stuff.

Anyway we made the best of it or whatever but I can’t believe it’s only been a week of doing this. I hate it a lot. I’m sure everyone does. But I don’t like to spend so much time at home not doing anything fun. It’s really hard.

IT IS JUST REALLY HARD.

I can’t wait to wear a crazy outfit like this out in the real world again and drink a drink and dance a dance and talk to people face to face. Please be soon.

K bye.

the rent the runway flagship store is bananas.

You guys, I’d like you to know that I’ve been renting the runway since the beginning (2009, srsly). Like since the very moment the runway was rolled out, I’ve been renting that bitch. We’ve come a long way together and now they have a whole entire store in Flatiron right by my work. The Rent the Runway flagship store is bananas.

Part of renting the runway is returning the runway so you can get more runway for your runway. In my professional and well researched opinion, the Rent the Runway flagship store is bananas mostly because of these returns.

People who work in Manhattan rush into the store in the morning before work to return things so they can then order another thing and hopefully get it by the end of the day. Thus fully maximizing their 4 items at a time subscription. I mean at least this is what I do. I’m sure everyone else is aiming to do this as well, I can see it in their eyes.

Rent the Runway uses a very specific kind of garment bag to deliver their wares and you can recognize these garment bags around the city. Well, around the CITIES, I see women carrying them all over in JC and NYC. Also in Hoboken but forget about Hoboken it’s irrelevant.

I think I should hang my jeans up like this and maybe I’d like them better.

Around 8:30 in the morning there is a SWARM of 20 and 30 something women carrying in these bags, marching down W 15th street in their booties and jeans with their hair that is all the same color. Seriously how is everyone’s hair the same ombré color? It’s like one ombré creator invented ombré and there is only one option for ombré and it all looks the same like hair style communism. Not on board. I realize that ombré is a style and it’s supposed to look similar but these people all have twin heads and I’m afraid.

These gals have the bags!

Okay okay I’ll let it go.

I’m sorry I’ve been snarky the past few days I just can’t take the winter anymore that’s all there is to it.

So the Morning March of Gals Down 15th St culminates at the front door of Rent the Runway where everybody tries to navigate their way inside. It’s especially hard now because the winter time vestibule thing is in front of the door so it’s two doors and a weird small space to maneuver. Fun, fun.

There are bins on wheels outside the store FILLED with discarded clothes, bags, and accessories that people have just returned. It’s an explosion of fabric and color and fashion and you can kinda pick things out in your mind and be like “I saw that one on that app!” If you’re so inclined. They’re on their way to get cleaned, baby!

Outside are men chosen to do the (flying spaghetti monster) lord’s work that are loading these bins into big trucks that will be taken to…Secaucus! Yes I believe they go to New Jersey. Where they belong. In a good way. Obviously.

Although the Rent the Runway flagship store is bananas AF, they actually do a very good job of corralling everyone during the return process. There is a long line but it is clearly marked by stanchions and moves fast.

When you return your stuff, you just have to walk up to an iPad and scan its tag and make sure it scanned and then toss it in a bin. You don’t even have to talk to a person WHICH IS OBVI THE BEST PART. During this morning rush they also have some of the gals at the desk check in the items. I don’t know, maybe they always do. Whatever.

There is also a gal manning the line to keep order and she keeps calling us “ladies” like “Good morning ladies!” “Please stand over here ladies!” In such a sweet voice and it always cracks me up because we’re not ladies at this point. We’re obviously out of control wild animals trying to get our stuff returned as quickly as possible so we can click to order more stuff on the app and then go to work and get going with the day.

If you happen to be a gal with leisure time and you can walk around the store and choose your items that way, GOOD FOR FREAKIN YOU. But they do have a very nice set up. I’ve walked through and looked at stuff when I have a little extra time and they have a pretty good selection as far as different types of clothes in different types of sizes. There is a nice fitting room and you can use iPads to check OUT as well. But no one is ever crowding around them like ravenous animals.

Tumbleweeds next to these iPads…

Today I actually made a friend! She saw me creepily taking pictures of some stuff and she was like “Are you using the app to scan?” And I was awkwardly like “Um no uh I’m just taking a pic to show my…friend. What?” And then she showed me how to use the app to scan items in the store and then I can check them out through the app or add them to my wishlist and it was honestly a great life hack.

This is the pic that made me a friend.

I never make friends in settings that aren’t intentionally social so this was a very rare moment but I’m not mad about it. Also she’s not actually my “friend” I talked to her for 40 seconds. Ugh. Gotta get over myself.

Yes, the Rent the Runway flagship store IS bananas. And since I’ve gone many times a week in the last couple of weeks I wanted to reflect on that. So I did. I do love Rent the Runway and have no complaints. And if I DID have a complaint they would fix it because they have pretty good customer service.

I don’t work for them. JUST A FAN. A BIG ONE. K COOL.

Do you use Rent the Runway? Have you ever been to the store in the morning? Have you done the March of the Women Down 15th St with your black garment back? It’s a dignified march and I’m glad to be a part of it.

galentines brunch at porta jersey city.

Yesterday was the annual Galentines Brunch at Porta Jersey City also known as the BEST DAY OF OUR COLLECTIVE LIVES.

In the morning I woke up very hungover from my Valentines Day date the night before. But it was time to get freakin serious so I had my boyfriend go get me some Diet Coke and Excedrin at the bodega. And I definitely appreciated it and said thank you. Just making sure you know that.

I took the Excedrin and tried to collect my thoughts and feel better as quickly as possible. I had to be at trampoline class at JaneDO by 11am. It was required.

After trampoline class I sprayed myself with some spray deodorant and headed to Galentines Day Brunch at Porta Jersey City in my gym clothes. If you know me, you know that I HATED doing this because I don’t like to wear gym clothes when I’m not at the gym and especially sweaty ones. And I also like to wear specially selected and beautiful outfits for certain occasions. Especially if I feel pictures will be taken. Since I wasn’t dressed how I would have liked to be dressed I felt disgusting AF.

Everyone at Galentines Day Brunch also looked so darn cute and I was very sad that I was in dumb boring sweaty gym clothes. I just need you all to know that. I was so sad that I had to drink two strawberry mimosa carafes.

I had to.

Just FYI the only way to drink a mimosa carafe at Porta is to insert a straw directly into the carafe. It’s the rules. Speaking of mimosa carafes they had adorable little menus for you to order custom mimosa carafes and bloody Mary’s. YES.

The bloody Marys were made with Misunderstood Whiskey which is delish and the only whiskey I will happily and willingly consume. I don’t like whiskey overall but I DO like Misunderstood Whiskey. They also gave out koozies that say “whiske all day” and we found those hilarious, relevant to our lives, and adorable.

For foods a few of us got “all the bacon and eggs” and shared that. Someone got the “treat yo self sandwich” and I had a bite of that. Another gal got the waffles and they looked delish! And yet another opted for a salad. Which is great but it kicked off a conversation about how much I hate vegetables. And no one else really hates vegetables and I feel like a child and a loser. But I, in fact, still hate them and won’t stop hating them. Thx.

In addition to consuming food and drink we played MASH. Did you ever play MASH at sleepovers growing up?! Why is it the best?! Why don’t we play MASH every day?! I think we really should. In my MASH I live in a house in Key West with Lakeith Stanfield and a tiger and I don’t have a job. But like, in a good way, because I don’t HAVE to have a job. I’m fully on board.

Once I got good and mimosa-d up I also made a vision board at the table run by the gals from Mint Market. I’m not allowed to shop during Q1 because of a dumb New Years resolution so I had to try very hard to avoid their wares. But I had a lovely time sitting at their table in the sunshine drunkenly zoning out and creating a “vision board” which really has no visions for the future beyond “I really hope I see a bear sometime soon” and “hedonism.”

Either way I’m really proud of it.

The atmosphere at Galentines Brunch at Porta Jersey City was TRANSCENDENT. Everyone was laughing and drinking and smiling and dancing and being galentine-y. It was a joyful place to hang and catch up with pals. Overall I’m a huge proponent of lady brunch times so I think we should just do it every weekend in this same spirit. Like why not?

After brunch we went to Six26 next door for some drinks and to catch the end of drag brunch. Which DOES happen every weekend and I would like to return. After THAT I think I may have gone to Downtown Yogurt but things are a little…dark. Can we maybe consult some security footage? I think that may be helpful.

I do know that I got home around 6pm and I woke up at 9:30pm and did not know where the time had gone.

That’s the risk you take when you go to Galentines Brunch at Porta Jersey City. And it’s worth every penny and lost brain cell.

Did you go to Galentines Brunch at Porta Jersey City? Did you go to Galentines Brunch anywhere else? DID YOU LOVE IT?! You better have. Because it’s great.