hot chocolate bombs.

I made hot chocolate bombs! It was so incredibly difficult and I’m pretty traumatized from the experience. But I made them.

I used this recipe. That’s the one.

Doing any kind of “baking” that involves melting and molding chocolate is like REALLY HARD YOU GUYS. I’m not really sure why I signed myself up for this but I did and once I started I had to finish.

There were enough ingredients in my house to make 6 but only 3 survived. The second half of chocolate chips I tried to melt got messed up and melted wrong and could not be recovered. It was actually really disgusting and made me feel sad about chocolate overall which is something I’ve never felt but I’m not sure how to avoid it next time. So who knows.

The bombs themselves are very fragile and didn’t seal together very well and I propped them up in a ziploc bag and nestled them in a plastic container and then wrapped that in plastic wrap to get them home.

Making hot chocolate bombs is a project for people with more concern and consideration when it comes to attention to detail and also more precise fine motor skills.

Because I do not have any fine motor skills. OR care and consideration for attention to detail.

Tomorrow I will feed these bombs to my family and we’ll see what happens.

xmas wrapping.

I’d like to discuss xmas wrapping. It turned into a more interesting activity this year, due to the fact that I’m trapped in my home and looking to turn anything into an interesting activity.

A full 13 years ago (WTF?!), I started my first adult job in Manhattan as a Production Assistant on the show “Car Wars with Funkmaster Flex.” The office was located on 21st or 22nd or something, and 6th Ave. You may be aware that on 6th Ave in that area there is a CONTAINER STORE.

I had never been to The Container Store! My boss sent me there one day for some kind of nonsense but I didn’t even care because I WAS GOING TO LOOK AT CONTAINERS OF ALL KINDS.

It was December, so they of course had all kinds of Xmas stuff out. But one of those Xmas things was an ENTIRE CART dedicated to Xmas wrapping. A whole little cart you could keep in an extra room in your house and just use for present wrapping because you really had your shit together and so many presents to wrap.

And also you had a whole extra room in your house.

I truly aspired to one day possess this xmas wrapping cart. I could just see myself as a stay at home rich person, wearing cashmere leisure wear with an apron because I was also baking cookies. I had a ton of stuff to do to prepare for the holidays but I made it look perfect and effortless. This was my future!

This was not my future. Despite not trying very hard I never got rich! In fact quite the opposite. Wow, what a shock.

So for many of my adult years I half-assed xmas wrapping. Most of the time I just brought my gifts home to my parents and wrapped them with paper my mom already had. It seemed like a waste anyway, because the paper only gets torn off and discarded. It’s far from sustainable and therefore not trendy.

Listen, I’m glad “sustainability” is now in everyone’s consciousness because it’s important, but it’s also fair to call it a “trend.” Because it is. For now.

Anyway, I definitely didn’t sustainably wrap presents this year, if that’s what you were wondering. I actually went super hard and really wanted to get a lot of materials so I could have a lot of fun. I needed an activity. I NEEDED TO ENTERTAIN MYSELF. I went to “Wondershop” at Target and got a ton of shit.

THESE. ARE. AVOCADOS. IN. SANTA HATS.

Bags and wrapping paper and bows and labels! I wanted to get ribbon but I drew the line there, because it’s pretty expensive for not a lot of ribbon. I think.

I didn’t really buy wrapping supplies with certain gifts or people in mind either. I just bought what I loved and piled it all into a pile, Grinch style but I wasn’t throwing it off a cliff.

I was bringing it home to throw all over my floor so I could choose to wrap presents based on my whim at that moment.

A WHIRLWIND

Unfortunately I don’t have that wonderful gift wrap cart I once aspired to, and my gift wrapping supplies are stored in a box in my hallway on top of some other boxes and everything is really a mess. I really don’t have enough room in my house for all of my fun shit.

I’ve been wrapping presents a little at a time because wrapping hurts my back A LOT. Again, I do think that the cart would help with that because it would allow for me to stand and wrap in a designated wrapping space. Just like a stand up desk!

Even though my back hurts I’ve really been enjoying it. It’s calming to roll out paper, and cut the paper, and tape the tape, and pop on a bow. Then you’re done! And you can wrap the next one. It’s even fun putting gifts in bags, and I enjoy the satisfying “fluff” of tissue paper; getting it just right.

My back hurts 😔

I hope you enjoy your xmas wrapping as well. It’s a year unlike any other and we may not get the chance to really enjoy dumb stuff like this again because we’ll be too busy once we’re allowed to leave our houses for real. You know what I mean.

peacock costume.

In my mind nothing can really top last year’s Ms. Frizzle costume. But this year I had some fun making a peacock costume.

Halloween is different this year! Everything is different this year! We have to do the best we can! Overall, Halloween was a welcome distraction from all of the lame crap going on: COVID, the election, the end of the world as we know it.

I decided on a peacock costume for three reasons:

  1. I’m obsessed with birds.
  2. I’ve been really into a blue and green color palette lately.
  3. I thought it would be relatively easy to create a peacock costume on my own. “Easy” as in high reward with not much effort.

the materials.

My interpretation of a peacock required the following materials:

Blue Bodysuit – I selected a bodysuit with long legs and sleeves because it’s going to be incredibly freezing today.

Blue Wig – Wigs are really fun to wear and I wanted an excuse to wear one, even though peacocks don’t technically wear blue wigs or really have any blue features on their heads at all.

Blue Ribbon – I was afraid I didn’t get enough and in the end I actually really didn’t get enough and would get way more if I ever do this or something like this again.

Not enough.

Peacock Feathers – Duh.

Duh.

Peacock Fan – I thought this would be a fun way to mimic the “tail” and also give me the opportunity to carry around and use a prop. I LOVE A PROP. This fan can also be used for other future fun fancy events! If it doesn’t get lost in the graveyard tonight. TBD.

Face Rhinestones – I have never used these before so we’ll see what happens.

Blue/Green Glitter – It has been a year since I got this glitter on sale at Target and it has been floating around in my Caboodle and getting in my way this whole time. Very excited to finally use it. And yes that link is to the pink/purple version. They’re out of blue I guess. Not my problem.

Feathery False Eyelashes – No idea how these are going to work. I may not even be able to figure it out. We’ll see.

construction.

I constructed the costume last night and as I predicted it required minimal effort. There was only one part of it that required construction, the feathery part.

I just cut the ribbon to make a “belt” and then cut more pieces of ribbon to tie peacock feathers onto the “belt.”

Essentially making a peacock “tail.”

Keep in mind this is technically the “tail” of a male peacock so in a way this is peacock drag. Dude birds are just prettier and therefore better to model costumes after. It’s not my fault.

Perhaps a hot glue gun would have been more effective but I got the wrong size glues for mine last year and then never got the right size glues. I’m no craft master and never claimed to be one, you guys.

That’s it! Not going to post the finished product until later. So get excited. Or something.

fire escape pool.

Today I made a fire escape pool. Don’t worry, it’s temporary. But it’s still a pool.

I have, procured from Amazon and in my possession, a small pool for large dogs.

Not unlike a large dog, when it’s too hot to live outside I like to have some water to just lay in. A brief aquatic reprieve from the relentless elements.

It me.

If I’m outside trying to get tan, and it’s over 82 degrees, it will be a little TOO HOT to sit outside without a pool and I will immediately need a pool or other (clean, the Hudson doesn’t count, even though I actually think it’s okay in a science way) water source nearby.

These ice cubes melted fast.

In Van Vorst, Hamilton, and Newport Green Parks, there are playgrounds with water features. It’s questionable how “appropriate” it is for a grown up woman in a bikini to run over into a playground and under a water feature to frolic among children, but do you really care?

These water features are a life saver for when it’s super hot, just for a quick rinse then back to the towel/blanket/park punch. I’m so glad those parks have them. I’ll never stop being glad about it.

Oh fire escape pool, you’re so silly.

Oh man I just remembered, Berry Lane Park has playground water features too, yesssss. These are actually better because they’re adjacent to the playground but not IN the playground. Okay I admit it’s creepy going into the playground but it’s a chance I take when I’m desperate to cool off.

So this is how I made the fire escape pool:

  • Lay down outdoor mat on fire escape.
  • Set up pool.
  • Fill pool. Obtain water by going back and forth from your sink with a large pot until it’s half full.
  • Put 2 or more trays of ice cubes in the pool.
  • Put an ice pack underneath the pool.
  • Set up a towel by the pool that indicates that the pool is a pool.
  • Enjoy.

Do you also enjoy makeshift pools? Backyard pools? Fire escape pools? Lmk.

press-on nails vol. 2 – pedicure edition.

During this terrible time in world history, one of our greatest challenges is dealing with the closure of nail salons. This closure happened RIGHT at the beginning of pedicure season and the situation is DIRE. So I have resorted to using press-on pedicures because I refuse to paint on anything.

I can’t deal with the painting on.

I JUST CAN’T.

The press-on pedicure I used for this post, which is still on my feet TWO WEEKS after applying it, was purchased at Target. It’s a Kiss product. They really have a hold on the press-on stuff market. But I’ve tried some other brands too, which I will tell you about another day.

To get started on this at home pedicure, I first applied a Dr. Foot foot mask from Grace and Stella.

I had no expectations for this foot mask, because I got it for free when I ordered some eye pads I still haven’t used. It’s usually sold for $20 so I was glad to get something like that for free. I mean come on.

You apply Dr. Foot to your feet and then put some socks on over him and you sit around for a while. I think at least an hour but I already forgot.

When you take the mask off, you don’t see much. Your feet are still there, and they look the same. BUT over the next couple of days your feet start to shed rough skin and it flakes off all over the place. Yes that is gross AF and I’m sorry. But it also means that this mask is KILLIN IT. And in time your feet will be softer and better.

Mine are ALMOST FULLY softer and better and this was two weeks ago. The effects last for LITERAL WEEKS. I just ordered another one today because it was definitely worth $20.

Okay enough about the foot mask. Next up I glued on the nails! Each fake nail has a little tab at the top so you can place it on your nail and not get glue all over your life. Which is the worst.

Once it’s firmly glued on you can remove the little tab. Once you remove the tabs, BOOM! Pedicure!

I did still end up getting glue on my life. Also this is terrible lighting.

The one thing I didn’t love about these is the glue tube. It’s not the best way to deliver the glue, and if you need to do touch ups later on, glue in a tube is harder to use after it’s been opened. The first press on manicure I did had stickers already on the nails that worked pretty well. I wish they all had that.

I’d recommend a press-on pedicure! Just because these are desperate times. I’d give this a 3 out of 5 compared to an actual pedicure. The first press-on manicure I did had me thinking I might never go get my nails painted again, but I do think a pedicure is best done by a professional. I can’t wait to get back into that massage chair with a magazine.

diy wedding field trip.

My sister is getting married and they’re leaning toward doing a DIY wedding. As maid of honor, I feel it is my duty to research DIY weddings to the fullest extent so today during my lunch break I went on a DIY wedding field trip to Michael’s on 6th Ave.

Below are photos and a narrative of what went through my mind during the DIY wedding field trip. The narrative was written after the fact but I’ve tried to stay as close to reality as possible.

So here we go.

diy wedding field trip to michael’s.

This is Michaels and I am here. I am only going to LOOK. This is a DIY wedding FIELD TRIP I am just here to get INSPIRED on my lunch hour very quickly and then I’m going to go read my book club book for 20 minutes. In and out, in and OUT.

holiday stuff on sale and repurposed.

HOLY SHIT ALL OF THIS XMAS STUFF IS 80 PERCENT OFF. Do we need any Xmas stuff? No! Ugh no we don’t, shut up. You don’t need Xmas stuff for a June wedding. Knock it off. But there’s ribbons! Don’t we need ribbons? Not those colors. Ugh. Stop.

OH MY GOSH THIS LANTERN. It is an Xmas lantern, but beyond being labeled as “Christmas|Noel” (whatever they hell that means) it doesn’t look Xmas at all. It is 80 percent off! It is gold to match things we already have. Omg I’m texting Melissa. <texts Melissa>. Omg she loves it. I’m getting three. One tall and two short! It’s the only way. Okay cool now I’m going to carry these around the store with me so no one else takes them. THEY ARE MINE.

These are for cookies and they have hearts! For love! Will we need to serve cookies…OF LOVE?! I feel like we will! Ugh no nevermind. They’re not the right colors. And they’re silly. Back away. Plz leave.

WHATEVER THESE THINGS ARE THEY ARE 90 FREAKIN CENTS GIVE ME AT LEAST 30. Okay, let’s take a closer look, omg they are plastic hollow ornaments and you can ADD YOUR OWN STUFF TO THE INSIDE. We can add ribbons and twine and beads and buttons and glitter and sequins and seeds and beans and air plants and tiny colorful erasers and ACTUAL LIVING LIGHTNING BUGS and dried mealworms covered with flavorful powders (like the ones I ate at the Jersey City Oddities Market) so people can have a quick little protein power snack. And once those things are added we can string them all together on a rope and make a banner or we can hang them in a small tree or bush or we can put them on tables. There are really so many options for these 90 cent treasures.

HOLD UP. They sell these things in bulk and they’re also on clearance?! Well I’m going to take at least two and also carry them around the store to ensure no one takes them even though there are a ton. YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO SAFE.

buckets, boxes, beads, and baubles.

We’re def going to need buckets. We’re def going to need GOLD buckets. I don’t know what we’re going to need them for but I just know we’re going to need them. They can hold flowers, they can hold straws, they can hold ice, they can sit on the tables with cute pretty shit in them or they can sit in the ground with lights in them and illuminate an as yet untold path or they can be hung on those little hooks to be a few feet off the ground and illuminate an as yet untold path. Children can carry them and they can be full of flower petals. They can hold napkins and utensils. We need them.

Boxes too. Not as many uses for boxes as buckets but we still need them. I’ll admit I don’t know what for. I just feel the need in my soul.

Chains! Gold chains to add accents to the gold buckets! So the buckets don’t look like regular buckets and the look like DIY wedding buckets. So they look SPECIAL.

Omg but here are BEADS! BEADS that can be added to the buckets or boxes or jars or other things. Dangling down. We could put them in the ornaments with the lightning bugs! It’s a whole glam little habitat. They have the beads in so many colors. So so many colors not pictured here. This necessitates a return trip.

wood.

Here are some wood letters we will def need wood letters SOMEWHERE. An “M” and a “T” AT LEAST. Not a huge fan of any of the fonts presented here but a good reminder we’ll prob need some. Also I personally hate the wood words because I think they’re corny but if Melissa wants them I will get her one of every word and SHE WILL HAVE THEM BECAUSE SHE IS MY LITTLE POP.

While we’re in the wood section I’m going to tell you about something, and hear me out…BIRD HOUSES. We could do all kinds of shit with birdhouses. Paint them crazy colors, stick the beads to them, hang them from trees, hang them to the ceiling, stuff them with lights, sprinkle them with glitter, put them on tables, the list goes on.

Wait are you sure you’re not into the birdhouses? Okay we can talk about this another time.

Little wooden boxes. Little box of treasure. Special treasured DIY wedding day! I don’t know, I just liked these because they were cute and I wanted to put stuff inside of them. Like M&Ms or something. WITH PICS OF THE BRIDE AND GROOM ON THEM DUH.

SIGNS. WOOD SIGNS. SQUARE SIGN HEART SIGN ARROW SIGN. Gotta give people a “welcome,” gotta tell them where to go, gotta list the names of the cocktails and mocktails, gotta make a little sign with some kind of quote on it. We need one of each thank you next.

Chalkboards! Of all shapes and sizes! For menus, for directions, for instructions, for seating arrangements, for place settings, for those cocktails and mocktails again, and the list goes on. Still not sure how “crack is wack” is a “joke” that the youth still write on stuff. Way to disrupt my DIY wedding field trip, scribbling youth of the Flatiron District.

misc.

Gold plates! Gold platters! We’ll need plates and platters! But maybe not these plates and platters I think we can rent some. Shit we have to look that up.

Unnecessary Buddha fountain! We need it! We need it for the Bride and Groom table!

JK that was just a joke I said in my head but this fountain would look nice with flower petals in it next to a huge cheese and charcuterie board is all I’m saying. Like that is like cruise buffet level decor and I am fully on board.

Metal stuff 30 percent off! It’s galvanized!

I don’t know what that means.

But look at these things! They could hold bread or cupcakes or lobster claws or lobster rolls or apples or bananas or homemade biscuits. Anything hand sized and close to round could go in here and people could grab it out. These things are perfect. And they have GILDEDDD EDGESSSS.

Omg look! Another bucket option! And with GILDEDDDD EDGESSSS.

flowers, ferns, and feathers.

These are fake flowers and we’ll probably get real flowers. But WILL we get real flowers? I kind of like these flowers.

Oh my gosh look at these pink flowers I love these pink flowers. Pink isn’t one of the colors though ugh knock it off.

Ferns?! There are ferns and leaves and ivies?! We could straight up turn this wedding INTO A JUNGLE. NO ONE WOULD EVEN KNOW WE WERE IN NEW JERSEY. We could just cover the whole place with these plants from top to bottom and growing all over the tables and chairs and play animal sounds and pump in moisture with a humidifier and make it like it was raining like at Rainforest Cafe. THINK ABOUT IT.

Feathers! I always love feathers. Just plop a feather into anything and it will look great. The colors are blue and green and…PEACOCKS ARE BLUE AND GREEN. JK I actually think peacocks would look weird in this particular DIY situaish so I’ll pass for now.

WREATHS. YOU GUYS. These can be covered in ribbons and beads and lights and crushed up lighting bugs. Jk about the lightning bugs. But these are useful. Hang em on the wall, dangle them down from the ceiling as a wreath chandelier. Omg wait I JUST thought of the wreath chandelier. Like it’s flat and has ribbons or twine that hold it up and then lights are wrapped around it omgomg this is going to happen SO HARD.

In my recent “DIY Wedding” googling I have come across these adorable “baby’s breath balls” and I haven’t been able to get them out of my mind. We could make these balls and hang them all over the place. So many that it would look like lovely snow drifts were collecting. But it wouldn’t be snow because snow sucks. I spent too much time looking at this fake baby’s breath. I don’t think it will be sufficient for the balls. NEXT!

victory.

Okay but seriously. I got a bunch of shit for under 50 dollars. I saved $126. This was a victory for maids of honor everywhere. I will now request that you salute me and kiss my (right hand) ring. Thank you.

can I build stuff?

There comes a time in all of our lives when we ask ourselves, “Can I build stuff?”

I don’t know, can you?

If you can build stuff, I’m very impressed and you should be proud. Because I am proud of you. It’s bad ass to be able to build stuff! And I mean like actually build stuff from scratch. That is badass AF.

Just like, the formula of “Random pieces of wood + implements that hold random pieces of wood together = useful furniture and other items that are also possibly strikingly beautiful” is so completely mind blowing I can’t even stand it.

As far as ME asking myself “can I build stuff?,” that mostly applies to stuff I got at Target or Wayfair or worst of all IKEA. That’s the only stuff I can (kind of) build. Stuff with an instruction manual. Even though usually that instruction manual is ostensibly in another language and makes no sense and that’s not because I’m looking at the wrong (for me) non-English side.

I paid a man to build this. A professional man.

I take a dig at IKEA here because I’ve only ever gotten one thing from IKEA and it was a piece of shit wardrobe that fell apart after like a year. That wasn’t even the worst part, because getting the wardrobe delivered was the worst part. It wasn’t even built and was in pieces and they couldn’t figure out how to get to my house when I was home during the agreed upon delivery hours and the delivery people kept yelling at me when they were the ones that blew it. If it was a normal company run by normal people and not the deplorable troll people that run IKEA then maybe it would have worked out okay.

I’m sorry IKEA, I’ll probably still buy shit from you in the future and you’re just going to have to accept that I called you deplorable troll people.

You can call me whatever you want in return, I don’t care.

In the past have built this dresser from Target:

By “the past” I mean…omg I built this thing 10 years ago because I got it for Xmas in 2009 WHAT IS MY LIFE.

But it’s still here! I keep it in my bathroom because it’s sadly falling apart and only two of the drawers work but it holds my extra products and all of my Birchbox samples and more. It’s wedged in a corner because the wall literally holds it up.

But I love the drawer handles! I got them at the now defunct Two Buttons in Frenchtown, NJ.

At work we had to build our own desks and it didn’t enjoy that. We got these really cool state of the art stand up desks and I was so pumped about them. Then they arrived and I was like, “wait what? I have to BUILD THIS?”

And in my own house, by myself, it would have been fine. But at the time I worked in an office with 4 dudes. All of them perfectly nice, do not get me wrong.

But I am very socially awkward about doing skills in front of people unless I am VERY GOOD at those skills. And I am NOT very good at building stuff. And I was nervous and moving too fast and my hands were shaky and slipping and I could not figure out how to build that thing. Because I knew deep down that I didn’t know how to build said thing and would need to ask for help. And I felt like the patriarchy had been proven right and I was making women everywhere look bad and incapable and incompetent and I COULDN’T EVEN BUILD MY OWN DESK.

So I had to ask for help. But just know that I didn’t like it. I liked the help because my male co-workers are kind and they were 100% not having any of these thoughts and I’m just a crazy person. But I didn’t like the asking.

This Xmas I got a desk and chair from Santa (thanks parents!) and I worked on building them yesterday.

Here’s a time lapse of me building them in my black sweatpants leisure jumpsuit:

And they’re built!

The desk is from Target and was very simple to assemble, I just had to attach 4 legs. The chair is from Urban Outfitters and for some reason I had some trouble with it even though I only had to attach the bottom part. Again I am not a professional. Or maybe that’s the first time I’m saying it but again I am not a professional.

Finished!

I’ve had to build or put together things or change lightbulbs or kill spiders my whole adult life because I’ve never lived with a dude. The truth is…I don’t actually kill the spiders. I allow them to stay around because they eat other less cool and less evolved bugs. It’s just science. But it’s true that I do all the other stuff.

One time a dude I “hooked up with” or whatever sometimes over the course of a year or so but only between 3am and 8am came over at 4:18am and there was a bookshelf outside in the hall that my roommate had gotten delivered. It was too heavy for one gal to move out of the hall, so the dude helped me move it into my apartment. This was the nicest thing he ever did, but he never really did anything mean. He was just kind of…there. V quiet, v shy. Maybe he was just blackout drunk every day, but who’s to say? Case in point the next morning he did not recall helping to move the bookshelf. Wait…did it even happen?

Anyway, that’s the only time a dude has helped. That’s a lie, my dad helps sometimes. Thanks Lexx! And I still have the bookshelf. But it has seen better days.

Have you often asked yourself “can I build stuff?” Do you build stuff? Do you pay someone to build stuff? Do you make your dad build stuff? Are you a badass that can build like REAL STUFF like tables and benches and rocking chairs and HOUSES? I wanna know. Please share your tales of building excellence, no matter how big or small.

crafts and carafes – xmas ornaments.

On Thursday we once again made our way to Porta Jersey City for Crafts and Carafes!

I was extra pumped because I didn’t have to work on Friday so I was planning on having a real Ladies Night and drinking wine and maybe probably talking too loud and annoying people.

Because that’s what I do. And I will submit that I didn’t write a post about crafts and carafes yesterday because I spent most of the day trying to not have a headache. I guess I crafted too hard. It’s not possible to carafe too hard.

But before the headache and Ladies Night it was crafts and carafes and time to make ornaments!

OMG THIS IS A S’MORE.

We were given tops of mason jars and circles of paper and strings and ribbons and popsicle sticks and pine tree branches and little bells and all kinds of fun shit!

They tried out a bit of a different set up with a few supplies on each table instead of like a buffet table of supplies. I think it worked out well! It was fun to sit and grab for stuff as I went instead of going up to the buffet table and making my choices there.

EITHER WAY I LOVE CRAFTING AND CARAFING.

I also ordered the ricotta and squash thing again because it’s my everything. It came in a smaller squash and I liked that, it seemed more suitable for one gal than the bigger ones.

Perfect sized acorn squash for a gal on the go.

I made three ornaments and I love them a lot. They also held up pretty well in my purse while I tumbled around the town for the rest of the night.

The ornaments I made!

Another crafts and carafes success!

Except for the headache. I’ll drink more water next time.

crafts and carafes – thanksgiving edition.

Last night I returned to Porta Jersey City for Crafts and Carafes! I freakin love crafting. We made Thanksgiving centerpieces.

I made Thanksgiving centerpieces at Porta’s Crafts and Carafes last year as well, so I was pumped AF for round 2!

Last year we used old liquor bottles and painted them, but this year it was all about the little glass jars. We had ribbons and straw and burlap and lacy stuff to put around the jars.

I selected 3 jars and some fall colored ribbons and burlap. Personally I didn’t like the sillier ribbons with pumpkins on them. I wanted to keep it very grown up and tasteful.

I’m an adult.

I didn’t get any of these beans because I believe some children ravaged them and threw them all over the place. Heathens. I don’t really like most children unless I’m related to them or a close friend is. There I said it.

My friend and I made a new friend who was kind enough to let us use her heavy duty hot glue gun. This was a DEWALT HOT GLUE GUN. LIKE THE TOOLS. WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT?!

Omg do you see the glue gun back there?!

I drank a 20% off house white carafe and didn’t drink enough water. I think you know what I’m getting at.

In process.

(Headache).

In addition to the crafts and carafes I also got this acorn squash with ricotta. It seemed like it was a good way to get some vegetables. Sneak some in. Just put some cheese on them and they’re acceptable.

As usual our hosts Chandra and Mallory were super helpful and efficient at running the whole Crafts and Carafes shebang and also doing some crafting/having fun (perhaps carafing but I can’t be sure) alongside us.

Totally pumped to bring these home to my parents’ house next week for Thanksgiving!

Fin.

Have you made any Thanksgiving crafts? Do you plan to? While we’re on that, what are your plans for Thanksgiving?! I am so excited for Thanksgiving I can’t even stand it.

PS – we’re going to start a book club with the new friend we met at Crafts and Carafes and that’s a story for another day but I’m ECSTATIC about that.

halloween tbt.

I saw the cutest little gang of preschoolers in The Heights this morning…

It made me think of how I was once a cute little preschooler! And then I was like omg it’s Thursday! And then I was like omg #tbt!

Sorry I got a little excited there. But I’m excited. Deal with it.

I’m going to take you on a trip through time to take a look at some of my Halloween costumes. I’m starting to write this on the train on my way home to Milford, so I’m not sure that I will find all the photos I’m thinking of but we’ll see what I can dig up. Let’s go!

The Big bad wolf and little red riding hood with LeXX.

This is the OG Halloween #tbt and I have it in a frame in my living room and I will never stop posting it. You’re welcome. I don’t remember this particular day but I do remember that the wolf mask, blue grandma nightgown, and little red riding hood costume were used for playing dress up for the entirety of our childhood and are probably still in the attic.

Ernie for decade.

I feel like I was Ernie from Sesame Street every year for like 3 years in a row. I don’t know why. I can’t even remembering liking Ernie that much? I thought I liked Cookie Monster? But maybe Cookie Monster annoyed me with all of his noise and loud chewing. Haha the auto correct on my phone automatically capitalizes “Cookie Monster” because he is a PUBLIC FIGURE. HAVE SOME RESPECT.

Also a clown.

In that last photo I ended up as Ernie but initially was a clown. But then went back to Ernie. Don’t worry.

A bride

Ugh omg was I really a bride? Little girls are so dumb. I’m sorry but be something cool. U suck. Oh that’s me. I suck.

Catwoman

Omg I loved this costume because I think it was my first DIY one and at first I was outraged that we couldn’t just buy the one at the store because I was a bratty asshole but then I ended up having fun making it and really enjoyed what it looked like.

I criss crossed a black unitard with silver fabric paint so it looked how she had her costume stitched together in the movie. And then I wore cat ears and a black mask. And it was amazing.

I think I may have worn it to a Halloween party at gymnastics and there were some mean girls there so that’s why I was scared to make my own. I don’t remember if they said anything or not but I do remember feeling badass and just like Michelle Pfiffer in the film.

Omg I looked so hard for a pic of this but I couldn’t find it and I’m so sad. I’m sorry.

Vampire

Was I a vampire at one point? I remember wearing teeth. No pic of this either. 🙁

Princess

In like middle school I was a princess and I wanted a blonde wig so bad but this grey wig was on sale so we got that and I looked like a grandma princess. And inside I was outraged. And I tried to smile but I remember this moment and being outraged because again I was a brat and also get unreasonably upset when my vision of an outfit doesn’t come to fruition EVEN TO THIS VERY DAY. So I guess I should talk to my online therapist about that.

Hookers

Okay I realize this is inappropriate and insulting to sex workers and also appropriating sex workers and I’m sorry. We were teenagers and we lived in the middle of nowhere and we didn’t know anything about anything, I mean at least as far as sex work goes. We just knew like, Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. And again I apologize, but at the time we were dumb as hell and had a lot of fun.

Also my dad wore a funny hat and drove us around and said he was our “pimp.” IT’S LIKE MY DAD NEVER SAW HBO’s HIT SHOW THE DEUCE?! (The Deuce didn’t come out until like 15 years later. He’s not a future teller.) And this was also inappropriate. And we are also sorry.

It was more “he drives us around” and not “he beats us and takes our money and mentally abuses us into a life of sexual slavery, sometimes.” Still sorry.

But again we did have a lot of fun and my dad drove us around “Shy Creek” which was like the cool rich kid development with all the best candy and we opened the doors of the van and hung out and also hung on the ladder off the back of the van as he drove very slow. It was fun but we could have been like, Santa and elves or something nicer. Maybe in our next lifetime we will atone for this wrong doing.

Actually only two of us were hookers. Sorry. Still sorry.

I remember thinking it was clever to skip the whole “slutty (noun)” trope and just dress as the actual thing. I think that could probably still be done while at the same time respecting sex workers.

Blow up doll

Oh wait IT CAN BE DONE because sophomore year of college I was an ACTUAL BLOWUP DOLL. That’s an inanimate object so I’m not sure I was being disrespectful to it but if I was I’m sorry. But I wore a blonde wig and fake eyelashes and bright red lipstick and posed with my mouth open in a round hole and my arms sticking straight out to the side when we took photos. I wore a red bra and underwear and black high heeled knee high boots. I also cut a plastic blow up piece off of a plastic something and glued it to my stomach so it looked like someone blew me up.

I looked insane.

That’s what I was going for. Again I thought I was clever skipping the “slutty this, slutty that” framework and going right to the actually sexual thing instead of something else that was being sexualized. I don’t know I still think I was kinda clever.

At one point a frat boy saw me from behind and was like “Is that a dude?!” Maybe I did look like a dude from behind. I was more muscular in college. I don’t know. Actually this still confuses me.

I know for sure there isn’t a picture of this because I look for one EVERY DAY but maybe if I search back through Facebook…

There was a copy of the picture on the Grease Trucks (RIP) until at least 2007 when I graduated, maybe longer, but the last time I went there a couple of years ago it was gone. And now the Grease Trucks are also gone. SOB.

Jennifer Beals in Flashdance and/or JLo in the I’m Glad music video

My freshman year jlo came out with the video for I’m Glad and it was a re-enactment of Flashdance and I wasn’t raised by wolves so I knew it was from Flashdance but pretty much everyone else didn’t know where it was from and thought jlo made it up. Either way that’s what I was. I used to have a picture of it on my MySpace I wonder if I can still go to there…

Army girl

I think it was junior year that I was an army girl. I went to a party near my hometown and fought with my lame boyfriend the whole time. I left my brother’s cool rugby game to go. I’m still mad about it. NEXT!

Little red riding hood part 2

Senior year I was little red riding hood. This was a half ass costume because too much was going on and I was also poor. Also I just wanted to get straight to the drinking.

The green fairy

Freshman year OF LIFE (2008) I was the green fairy aka absinthe aka Kylie Minogue in Moulin Rouge! I loved this one. I think because I just got random green shit at American apparel (RIP to the brick and mortar versions in the US). I used to drink a lot of gin because it tastes like pine trees and I like pine trees. So I used an old gin bottle and put the poster of the green fairy of absynthe on it. I just googled “green fairy absinthe.” Wait actually this may still be my twitter profile photo because I never go on twitter.

Miss Hannigan

I think it was 2009 when I was Miss Hannigan. AND I THINK I WAS A GOOD ONE. We both were angry and drank a lot of gin. And didn’t really want to hang out with children. And liked hanging around our houses in our underwear. The list goes on. I believe I also carried around a gin bottle for this one.

Rosie the riviter

This one I was super proud of! It was another DIY that was pretty simple and just required some blue shorts and a button up shirt from American apparel. I was “hanging out” with a guy I thought was cool at the time and I felt like I really made a good impression on him and the whole party. This didn’t make him actually want to date me though. But he DID love the costume and in the end that’s all that matters.

So sad I couldn’t find a pic of this one. I swear there is one somewhere.

Little Edie from Grey Gardens

No one knew what this costume was (COSH-tume) and I had to explain it all night and I didn’t really care but I was like, “can anyone see what I see in this world?! Do I have a pop culture equal anywhere here tonight?!” And I did not.

When we worked at MTV there was always a party at the Frying Pan which was probably the last day of the year the Frying Pan allowed being outdoors on the Frying Pan. It had a secret password which was the same every year and I really think it was like “balls” or something like that. Does anyone remember?

I wore this costume to that party and at the time I was “hanging out” with this guy that wore a knight costume and I think wanted me to participate with him in that and I was like “um no I have my own costume.” At one point during the party we were walking down some stairs below deck and he bumped into someone or someone bumped into him, who knows, I don’t care either way. But they got into a fight! Actual fisticuffs! At the Frying Pan! On my favorite day of the year! In front of everyone I worked with!

I left him right then and there and never spoke to him again. And that is a true story.

Hurricane Sandy

I wasn’t hurricane sandy for Halloween but DURING hurricane sandy I got stuck all alone in Austin, TX where the weather was beautiful and the sky was deep blue and empty of clouds and I felt it was mocking me. I got stuck there for like 3 days.

So I went to a Target (where the heart is) and got a masquerade mask and a feather boa and went out to the bars on 6th street and there was all kinds of Halloween fun! I found a band called Wild Child I really like and still listen to today.

Disco ball!

My hetero life partner Brenna and I went to New Orleans one Halloween for their Halloween parade and a huge party at “Mardi Gras World” which is where they keep all the Mardi Gras floats in a huge warehouse and it was the greatest halloween of my life. Brenna was a disco dancer and I was a disco ball. Be jealous.

Corseted lady because I had a corset for some reason?

I don’t really know why I did this but I wore a corset and a black tutu skirt and put a feather so I guess I was kind of like a can-can girl? Is that an appropriate term? Plz let me know the appropriate term.

Cat lady

This year (2015) was tough because my grandma’s live-in man friend (I mean pretty much her husband but, “Catholicism”) died and I went to go stay with her for a week. So she and I carved a pumpkin and I pondered what I could use for a costume and I asked my mom to bring a bathrobe and curlers to put in my hair and a small cat stuffed animal and boom. Loved it.

Then I went to Triumph in New Hope and their party was really fun! It’s fun to get out of NYC and see other stuff. Actually the other stuff is better. You heard it here.

Princess Carolyn

This was my first costume after I lost a bunch of weight so I was PUMPED AF about putting it together. By this point I had had to get a bunch of new clothes so I got a cheap blue dress and cheap yellow cardigan, then the pink wig and cat ears, and I made fish for the dress out of felt. Whew.

As I’ve spoken of before, I’m obsessed with Bojack Horseman so I was like I gotta do a costume of that. And then I did.

Princess Carolyn is his agent and she’s a pink cat and she acts tough all the time and is on the phone all the time but is sweet too and also pretty much holds Bojack’s life together a lot of the time.

This was a big one, and a special one. I was going through a bit of a hard time with a “thing” that got “broken off” a few weeks prior and going out and looking awesome on Halloween made me feel so much better. THANK YOU HALLOWEEN.

Jem

This was another half asser, I had a friend that had an 80s Halloween party so I was like “pink dress, check. Pink wig, check. Pink whatever to make a pink star on my face, check.” And I already had it all so I did it. Way better Jems have been done, it’s true.

Cellblock Tango

Oh man I forgot I did two half assers in a row! Ugh I’m the worst. I got a yellow jumpsuit to be April O’Neil the Pulitzer Prize winning best pal of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I didn’t try this jumpsuit on until the day of the party I went to and I couldn’t get it over my butt. I BLEW IT.

So I just wore black and showed my legs and wore fake eyelashes and red lipstick and did a lot of jazz hands. I took pictures with a knife at home but I didn’t bring one with me because knives terrify me.

Again I don’t think anyone at the party really got the reference. Am I friends with the wrong people?

A cat

Last year I was also a cat on the night of actual Halloween! My roomie was kind enough to get me ears and then I just did whiskers on my face. And wore a not shirt because the days of wearing not shirts in public sadly end after Halloween.

Ms Frizzle

And this year I was Ms Frizzle! I loved this one, it was great. I already described it fully so just know it was awesome.

I love Halloween. It’s a time to have fun and be silly and pretend to be something else. And to admire other people’s costumes, and maybe get a little scared but in a fun way at a haunted house, and carve pumpkins and eat candy and all kinds of awesome shit. I love it.

Joy in 1980/81 as a Little Girl w/Lollipop.
LeXX in 1980/81 as a wolf feeding beer to a teddy bear.

I feel like a lot of people feel like they have to be given “a pass” to do certain things or dress or act a certain way because they don’t want other people to think they’re weird and they want to be taken seriously. I carry a pass like this in my pocket at all times so I always have a pass, but I like when other people around me also have a pass and I can see them having fun and feeling free and being silly. And Halloween is that pass for many! It warms my heart.

And now, just like anything else they’ve figured out how to make the most money out of Halloween which means stores committing to full on Halloween mode before Oct 1, but I love that. I wish it was like that when we were kids. I mean maybe it was and I just forgot.

What’s your favorite Halloween costume over the years? What was your least favorite? What would you be again? What do you want to be next year?

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!