If it seems like I’ve been quiet for the last week or so, it’s because I got covid. Yes, I almost made it a full year and even had an appointment set up for my first dose of the vaccine! But my plans were destroyed because I got covid.
Covid: destroyer of plans forever and ever and the pain will never end.
I’m pretty sure I got covid at the Barge Inn in Jersey City. I’m actually 99.9% sure that I got covid at the Barge Inn in Jersey City. It’s fair to say it’s my fault for going there and removing my mask to drink inside, but it’s also fair to say there were no covid restrictions in place.
Just a friendly neighborhood warning: if you don’t want covid, don’t go to the Barge Inn. Or go after you get vaccinated. Or wear a hazmat suit. Either way, a ton of people told me it was a covid fest over there and I still went. So I got covid.
There’s a certain kind of shame you feel when you get covid, and also a feeling that you lost some kind of game. Like how could you be SO IRRESPONSIBLE as to expose yourself?! What is wrong with you?! There’s a lot of guilt, which kind of pisses me off because it’s socially constructed. A judgement comes down: you failed at protecting your own health, and you are trash.
Take your trash life and hide inside and don’t show your face until you won’t infect the rest of us.
About 2 weeks ago I started to feel a little weird. I went for a run in the morning and I felt extra sweaty and dizzy. It didn’t seem right. I went about my regular business and started work. A few hours into the day, my head was POUNDING and I couldn’t even look at my computer screen. I actually couldn’t even look at my phone screen either, which has never happened.
It seemed like something serious was afoot.
I took the rest of the day off work and tried to sleep it all away, but it didn’t go away. Oh no, it did not. The next day I had the pounding headache again and I also had a fever. The fever made me nervous because I haven’t had a fever for over a decade. I always get the flu shot so I haven’t had the flu in a long time, and I guess I just haven’t had a fever for any other reason. I STAY FEVER FREE.
Except for 2 weeks ago, because I had a fever. I went to get a covid test and I felt awful and I was PISSED because I had JUST MADE my vaccine appointment and I felt pretty sure I got covid and was going to have to cancel it.
I did have to cancel it.
I was pissed.
Once I had the positive test result I had to accept my fate and start the process of hydration, sleeping, and taking the various medicines that this type of illness demands. It was exhausting. Just taking care of myself was a lot of work.
I ended up having a fever for about 3 days and I know this because I obsessively took my temperature until it was normal again. It got up to 100.3 and that was hot enough for me.
I slept and slept and slept, and got very, very sweaty. The sweatiness I really wasn’t expecting, but it was better than having to throw up.
The one good thing about covid is that it does not involve barfing. No barfing at all! At least not for me…but “vomiting” isn’t really on the list of symptoms so I don’t think barfing is involved for anyone sick with covid. Which is good because barfing is completely unbearable and I simply won’t stand for it.
I took two days off work, then it was the weekend and I slept my life away, then I also had to take off Monday. I didn’t have to use any of my vacay days though, BECAUSE THE MAN HAS GRANTED US SPECIAL PAID DAYS OFF FOR COVID. Make sure you look into it! I wasn’t aware and the HR gal at my work came through and let me know, a true heroine of the times.
Once I started to feel better, I promptly lost my taste. I couldn’t taste or smell anything for about a week. It was annoying but helped me not to binge eat since a big part of my binge eating is taste-based. So I didn’t even feel like eating which I NEVER FEEL and it was SO WEIRD and I COULDN’T EVEN STAND IT.
Now that I’ve spent my time convalescing and I’m no longer contagious I have returned to the outdoors and also the gym. The outdoors felt overwhelming at first but I comfortably settled in to enjoy sunshine and flowers and other natural charms we are offered this time of year.
The gym is another story. IT IS SO INCREDIBLY HARD TO WORK OUT. I usually love working out because I’m good at it or at least I FEEL good at it and I love to feel strong and like I can kick anyone’s ass that gives me any kind of problem. Right now I feel so incredibly weak. I can’t lift as much, and I get out of breath easily.
AND I’M PISSED.
It’s a real struggle to make it through the day when I don’t feel like myself. A REAL, TERRIBLE STRUGGLE.
As far as not feeling like myself, covid can also make you depressed or have like, “blues” for a while after. I’m not making this up. Although I will take any and every opportunity to feel depressed and diagnose myself with some kind of mental health crisis, this is science, I swear. So I’ve been dealing with that too, just feeling kind of slow and foggy and not interested in anything.
The other day I told my boyfriend I felt sad because I haven’t been getting excited about anything and that’s not like me, and he said “YOU DON’T HAVE TO GET EXCITED ABOUT EVERYTHING,” and I was like…”I DO.” Like I don’t feel like myself if I’m not excited. If I’m not excited, something is wrong.
And I’m dealing with that.
So, I got covid. It sucked and I’m still depressed and I don’t fully have my taste back. I need to make a vaccine appointment and currently can’t find one so if you have any leads please let me know.