put your puritanism back in your pants.

After I wrote this I did a fact check to make sure puritanical behavior was actually the Puritan’s fault and some sources disagreed. I still don’t like their overall vision and will leave them as my scapegoat for this.

I’m going to have to respectfully request that you take your puritanism and you put it back in your pants.

If that doesn’t work I will full-on disrespectfully demand that you shove it up your own ass.

Are you listening? Cool.

It’s likely you’re aware that my favorite way to dress is almost naked. It’s been that way since birth. I’ve always loved a revealing outfit. I’m not ever going to stop loving revealing outfits. They’re a part of me. The very fabric of my being is woven with threads of cleavage and short skirts and bathing suits while not at the beach. This is nothing new. But for some reason sometimes folks still have something to say. And I blame the Puritans.

By Puritans I mean the people that started some shit in this county. By “some shit” I mean they were one of the groups on the front lines of stealing the land of Native Americans and justifying their behavior by saying it was “god’s” idea. Also burning women alive if they didn’t like their overall vibe. You know, those Puritans. Bunch of jerks.

Unforch their beliefs and behaviors about sexuality and people’s bodies and the ways people are allowed to dress their bodies hang over us like an ominous cloud. Like why is this cloud still here? Their buildings have survived so I guess maybe that’s why the cloud of nonsensical judgement has. I don’t really know. It’s stubborn as hell. It’s giving me a headache. I really can’t stand it.

During my fact check I found that their ideas lasted so long and permeated our whole society because they valued intelligence and had a high level of literacy and that is…terrifying. They used their nerd powers for bad! Ugh! The worst!

Simply existing as a woman in the world is hard enough. You can be physically over-powered at any time. There’s a need to be “careful” and to have an “awareness.” It’s exhausting. Part of your “awareness” has to do with the way you dress and the “kind of signals you’re sending out with your wardrobe choices.” Ugh. Shut up.

My biggest problem being, if you care about how you look and like how you look and take pride in it and really want to go all out that suddenly becomes some kind of “problem” because you’re being “slutty” or “thirsty” and according to the ominous cloud of sexist bullshit that hangs over all of us you’re not allowed to “do that” because it’s “wrong.”

This gets me so incredibly angry.

And it’s not just men. Women do this to each other and reinforce the whole ridiculous thing day in and day out. It’s like, “Oh that woman over there? She’s a thirsty slut, bye.” A

re they jealous because they can’t find the strength to go all out? Probably. But more likely they’re just brainwashed and we have to help them see the light, too. WE HAVE TO HELP EACH OTHER. (And if they don’t like wearing revealing clothes on their own bodies I’m not saying they have to. They choose their choice. Just so that’s clear.)

I’ve cared about how I look, liked how I look, took pride in how I look, and have “really wanted to go all out” since day one. I felt like this as a child, as a preteen, as a teenager, as an adult. I’ve felt like this at every size I’ve ever been, with every haircut. Sometimes I look back and I’m like “meh, don’t love this style now.” But never once have I said, “I regret going all out on that,” as far as the level of how revealing it was.

Because I don’t. And I shouldn’t be made to regret it. And I’m really going to start kicking people again if that’s what it’s going to have to come down to.

My parents never told me what to wear. And before you’re like, “Did they just let you run around with no shoes on and bite people like a feral child of the forest?!” please pause and realize that they were very disciplined about many other things. We weren’t allowed to play with toy guns. We weren’t allowed to eat candy cigarettes because they encouraged actual cigarette behavior. Stuff like that. THE IMPORTANT LIFE THREATENING ISSUES WERE EXPRESSED TO US AND WE WERE TAUGHT TO BE WARY OF THEM.

THE CLOTHES YOU WEAR ARE NOT A LIFE THREATENING ISSUE.

Tight dress in 8th grade = TOTALLY FINE LEAVE ME ALONE THX.

And if you wanna be like, “If you dress in a revealing way you’re making yourself a target for assault”…then you’re barking up the wrong tree. YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM. MAYBE WE SHOULD WORRY ABOUT STOPPING THE ASSAULT INSTEAD OF POLICING PEOPLE’S CLOTHING I DON’T KNOW JUST AN IDEA.

Perhaps we should teach people from a very young age that the amount of clothing someone is wearing doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t mean they want to have sex with you. It doesn’t mean they want your validation or attention. It doesn’t mean that they’re somehow weaker and could potentially be a victim. It’s not a thing. It’s clothing. It’s on them. Move along. Also you’re 4 years old. Calm down.

I realize that it’s part of BIOLOGY for people pay attention to secondary sex characteristics and that’s why when people see “boobs” they immediately think “sex.” But I’m talking about SOCIETY and I think by now after thousands of years around here we should be able to integrate our societal intelligence with our biological intelligence and like DO BETTER.

It’s called evolution EVER HEARD OF IT.

Also what’s that thing that moms are always talking about that it’s okay to breastfeed in public? Like, boobs have OTHER PURPOSES. THEY FEED BABIES. SO BOOBS CAN ALSO JUST SIT THERE AND BE A PART OF SOMEONE’S BODY AND NOT CAUSE YOU TO AUTOMATICALLY RELATE THEM TO SEX, YA SICKO.

I’m just annoyed. I know this isn’t anything that hasn’t been said before. But this is where I stand. And I will continue to stand here, scantily clad. And I won’t feel bad about it. So go find someone else to bother if you want to make someone feel bad. BECAUSE I DON’T, SO SHUT UP ALREADY.

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