a rum renaissance.

You guys, I’m currently experiencing a rum renaissance and it’s a beautiful thing. Rum drinks are all I want to drink and I never want to stop.

Perhaps it’s not so beautiful that 2 of my last 3 posts have been about drinking. But what can one do, it’s summer time.

Rum makes me think of drinks I like to drink on vacation at shameless but beautiful all inclusive resorts in Riviera Maya. “I’ll take a Bahama Mama!” I drunkenly screech at the man from my sunscreen slippery seat at the swim up bar. Soon enough he introduces me to a BANANA Mama and my whole world lights up with the unmistakable sparkle of the Cavendish group.

Life is good.

Rum also makes me think of childhood vacations at Floridian resorts and trips to Publix wearing only a bathing suit and the sickeningly sweet smell of pina coladas my parents would make all afternoon and bring out to the resort pools in large mugs. Sickeningly sweet in a good way I guess, but pina coladas are very very sweet…almost too sweet for me.

I didn’t drink in high school because I never would have gotten anything accomplished but as soon as I got to college my favorite drink became Bacardi razz and diet sprite. For about three months until I just started drinking the free jungle juice and natty ice available to me.

One time I regrettably lived in Hoboken and also regrettably dated some random dude that lived in Lyndhurst. The best thing that came out of that was that he once took my to Lee’s Hawaiian Islander and it was EVERYTHING.

Unfortunately this was way before Instagram so I didn’t get to take any cute pics with a tiki drink in a fun tiki outfit. Whatever a “fun tiki outfit” might be. This means I need to find a friend with a car so I can go back. Or I need to purchase an entire car solely for this purpose of instagramming myself at Joe’s Hawaiian.

This is a very serious life goal.

The true rum renaissance began and I started to seriously consider rum as a constant drinking companion again a little over a year ago when we went to Black Tail for Valentines Day. Besides being a really cool little speakeasy type spot with a fun backstory (something about sneaking off to Cuba in small planes under cover of darkness), they have AMAZING RUM DRANKS.

I had a great time there but like, it’s in Manhattan and I don’t always feel like making that kind of haul. I’d return for another “special occasion” though. Well jk because when I just looked it up it said permanently closed. RIP Black Tail 🙁

These days I love Cellar 335 on Newark Ave in Jersey City. Like, LOVE LOVE. It’s a whole other universe in there. You walk down the stairs and it’s pretty much an actual cellar but there are plants growing on the walls and fun lights and it’s tiki tiki tiki from the bottom to the top and I want to live inside of it forever.

The drinks are expensive but with good reason. They’re expertly mixed, beautifully served, and they pack a punch. And yes pun intended because rum is best in a punch. I think NO ONE would deny THAT.

For drinking in the time of COVID-19, Cellar 335 has been serving badass cocktails to go and FOR DELIVERY. Even delivery to ME and I live so far south I am ALMOST IN BAYONNE, YOU GUYS. My parakeet enjoyed these cocktails as well and chirped about how rum is a big part of parakeet culture. Parakeets are from Australia but naturalized American citizen parakeet culture is influenced by the Carribean pet stores they’re born in and sold from. Look it up. I took my parakeet’s word for it because I trust him.

Jk where is rum even actually from?


Yum, yum yum yum. Yum yum rum. RUM RUM RUM IN MY TUM.

Cellar 335 also has incred snackies but we’re talking about rum right now not snackies. But if I WAS to talk about snackies I would say def get the cornbread there.

In recent drinking-in-the-street-because-it’s-the-apocalypse times The Archer has really come through with some full-on rum mastery shit. I’ve been drinking upwards of 5 Missionary’s Downfalls per Downtown drinking sesh. Today I had to take a break.

The tropical drink/rum thing is a departure from their usual, or at least the usual that I was personally aware of. I always saw The Archer as a cozy, dark spot to go when it’s cold out. I liked it for that, but now it has also become a tropical staycation destination and I’m fully on board. They even call their new outdoor seating area the Swim Club.

I mean come on.

Overall I’m just only going to drink rum now. It’s decided. I may have gotten a double of a gin something from Pet Shop last night but next time I go there it’s give me Malibu or give me death, baby. Get ready to mix that bay breeze. Sea breeze? When it comes to Malibu I always forget if I prefer the bay or the sea? In real body of water terms I obviously prefer the sea but my drink preference is sadly more murky. Like the bay.

Even my mom is getting gifts of rum!

What are some other good rum drinks I could order at a regular bar? A non Cellar 335/Black Tail/The Archer bar? I’m trying to develop a full rum drinking plan moving forward.

It’s the rum renaissance. Get on board, WE ARE ALL PIRATES NOW.

2 thoughts on “a rum renaissance.

  1. Dark and Stormy. Delicious, and you get to a feel a little piratey/dangerous while ordering.

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