self-induced coma.

I hate being stuck at home and I’m bored as hell. Sometimes the only way out of that is a self-induced coma.

Are you familiar with the self-induced coma? I hope you are. Or DO I hope you are? I don’t know, it’s kind of depressing.

The self-induced coma happens when you are so incredibly and desperately bored that you can’t stand to be alive in such a situation any longer, so you force yourself to go to sleep to escape it. It doesn’t matter what time of day it is or if you have unfinished business, it’s time to sleep so that you can escape to a world where you’re not so soul crushingly bored.

Have I told you that I’m the opposite of a homebody and I hate being at home? Well if I hadn’t, now I have. I hate hate hate it. I am so so bored. I can’t sit and mindlessly watch TV for hours, it makes me want to scream. Even if I like the show I’m watching. HOURS of TV is just too much TV. I can feel my brain start to melt.

I enjoy reading a great deal but when reading is my ONLY enjoyable option I start to get pretty antsy and I can’t concentrate on it. That makes me so mad. It’s time for a self-induced coma.

Coma activated.

The self-induced coma involves taking a “nap” and not setting an alarm. It involves a dark room. It often involves Benadryl, if that’s the only sleepy kind of medicine I’m able to get my hands on. I don’t want to face the world when it has nothing to offer me but snacks and television and I feel the need to fully check out.

It’s the dreams that save me. In my dreams I’m doing fun shit. I’m out in the world and I’m wearing real clothes and my hair and makeup are done and I’m walking around and talking to people. I’m at real places and music is playing and I can buy things in person, I don’t have to order them for delivery. If I get bored of one room I can go to another room in a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT BUILDING. The sun shines. I can enter the park.

Yesterday I was in a self-induced coma for the entire day. I awoke to eat three meals, and to read a book for a little bit, but the entire day was a self-induced coma. I also had a Zoom hang with some college pals but I almost didn’t make it because I wanted to fall back into my coma again very badly. At bedtime I went to bed and slept normally. Because it was bed time.

The self-induced coma is likely a symptom of depression. In the past when I’ve dealt with depression the self-induced coma has made an appearance. The socially distancing self-induced coma has taken things to another level though. It really seems like the only option on days when I don’t have work. I had to fight against the desire to just coma myself out today. It was really hard.

I know that everyone is probably having a hard time. And I’m sorry for all of us. But I do think that folks like me, who like to always be out and about and doing something, may be having the hardest time of all. Besides those that are sick and dying. And first responders. We party animal types are having the third hardest time. We are in the top three of the hard time havers and that is unfair.

It goes without saying that I can’t wait until this whole thing is over. How many self-induced comas have you experienced in the last few weeks? Did you have any fun dreams? I hope you did.

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