I haven’t posted in days because I’ve been too busy eating snacks and feeling panicked and trapped. But the show must go on so I’m going to tell you about how I’m taller than everyone.
It may not be scientifically true that I’m taller than everyone, but it is true to me in my mind and that has always been enough for me.
This isn’t something I’m making up or that I take lightly. When I look out at the world and all of the people in it, I truly feel like I’m taller than everyone. I have no idea why, but it could have something to do with my self diagnosed dyscalculia.
I’m terrible at like “mental math” or whatever, and have a fragile at best grasp on depth perception so I think that’s part of it. Whenever I meet someone new and I come away from the conversation I’m like, “Wow it’s SO WEIRD that whoever I meet I’m MUCH taller than them.” But, I am 5’3″…I am NOT taller than MOST adult people.
When I first met my boyfriend, I was like okay he’s only like 4 inches taller than me. It took me months of dating him and finally standing next to him in front of a mirror at a JaneDO class for me to realize that HE IS A FULL 12 INCHES TALLER THAN ME. He is very tall. And I am an idiot.
For longer than was acceptable, I referred to two friends as “the little guys.” One of them IS very little, and proven to be little by other reliable sources, not just me. She’s like 5’1″ I think. Adorable. The other one is NOT little. She’s like 5’6″. Aka taller than me. But for at least a year I saw her as the same height as the other one. Because the little one had introduced me to the taller one so they were both “little guys” in my mind. Actually I still think of them both as little guys. Sorry.
This all may have something to do with how I think of myself, because I hold myself in high esteem and always have. I thank my parents for that, as many millennials can. We were the lucky ones that were good at EVERYTHING and can do ANYTHING, didn’t you know? Sometimes, actually often, I still feel like that and I think feeling taller than everyone comes along with that.
While standing next to people and talking to them, I FEEL taller. I FEEL like I’m in charge and I FEEL confident. They could be a whole 2 feet taller than me but I still feel like I’m the boss of them. And the world.
Maybe holding oneself in such high esteem is bad but these days it’s all I have. So, I’m taller than you. I’m taller than everyone. Bye.