then they call you charming.

First they call you crazy, then they call you charming.

In college we used to have a saying about dudes we hooked up with, which was invented after I yelled it into the New Brunswick air one time in earnest when I was genuinely sad about something. I was like “this bad thing, this bad thing, etc…and THEN they call you crazy!” It’s like, all this bad shit happens and you’re like wow this sucks and you very simply saying “wow this sucks” leads them to be like “OH MY GOD YOU HAVE ACTUAL THOUGHTS AMD AREN’T JUST A CONVENIENT RECEPTACLE?!THAT IS LEGIT INSANE.” And then they call you crazy.

Crazy.

But NOW that we are ADULTS I’m 100% over being called crazy. By anyone, male or female, or someone’s mom or whatever. It no longer upsets me enough to yell into the very air that surrounds me about it after a few drinks.

You guys I really mean this one. It does not bother me. I realize now that there is no black and white with “crazy” and that it consists of very many shades of grey. And unless the accuser is a properly trained mental health profesh, no one is legitimately authorized to call ANYONE crazy in the first place. And even if they do it’s only based on their perception which they see as their (stupid, yet unchallengeable) reality so there’s no use in complaining about “crazy” as an insult anymore.

Last, “crazy” is an insult thrown at people in an attempt to discredit and minimize them and make them feel like they’re wrong and you’re right. It’s manipulative as hell and I won’t stand for it. Just because you call someone crazy doesn’t mean that they ARE. Even if they ARE “crazy” who even cares? Okay I’m done with this.

“Crazy” is so 2003.

Do you know what is so 2020? “Charming.”

That’s a sneaky one.

I’ve been called “charming” a few times to my face, by people I think actually DID really mean it. I don’t think any of them liked me very much.

This is why: “Charmimg” is a word usually reserved for SERIAL KILLERS. Okay?! Watch any true crime doc, listen to any podcast, read a book for once, ALL of these terrible murderous people were described as “charming” by unsuspecting friends, associates, family, and acquaintances. Like Ted Bundy had a straight up wife that didn’t know he was a serial killer and maybe she’s lying about that but she did NOT lie when she referred to him as “charming” (not a direct quote).

At first when I was getting “charming” from people I was like “oooo this is good, this is great, a real compliment.” It was the compliment I prided myself most on getting. Just sitting outside on a park bench in the sun, daydreaming, thinking “oooo, I’m CHARMING. I can CHARM people. Get them to do what I want in a FRIENDLY AND DELIGHTFUL WAY. They won’t even realize what I’m doing. WHAT POWER!”

Charming!

But the past month or so I’ve been pondering it pretty hard and I think these people were basically telling me I’m a sociopath. Like, I don’t have any real feelings, so I always seem jovial, and I just reflect what people want to hear or see back on to them, and nothing they do can upset me because I have no feelings, and I’m basically going to start luring people into the woods and eating their faces.

I’ll give you an example. When I worked in reality TV I often went out into the field for shoots. I was told more than once that I was “good for the field” because “you’re charming, people trust you, they’ll cooperate.” I guess that’s…good? But like, what if these people don’t want to cooperate?! Deep down they don’t want to, and I’m just MAKING them with my charm? This seems terrible!

But people DO have free will so I guess it’s not MY fault if they cooperate with my suggestions as long as I’m not luring them into the woods and eating their faces.

Are you charmed by this? You should be.

4 thoughts on “then they call you charming.

  1. You see, I think it’s what makes awesome charming people so unique, and I’ll throw myself into that category because I’ve been told that all the time and it’s “why everyone likes you” – I think it is in fact that everyone’s not quiiiiite sure if we’re serial killers so they tow the line. We could be serial killers but we chose not to be BECAUSE. WE’RE. AWESOME.

    Also I thought I posted on your Cadbury Creme Egg post but I’m guessing I didn’t hit send. The world will never know my thoughts on it. The world is better off…

    1. Haha I like this theory, and I like this about US. I’ll bring some Cadbury Creme eggs to pet shop next time and we’ll see what happens…

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