can I build stuff?

There comes a time in all of our lives when we ask ourselves, “Can I build stuff?”

I don’t know, can you?

If you can build stuff, I’m very impressed and you should be proud. Because I am proud of you. It’s bad ass to be able to build stuff! And I mean like actually build stuff from scratch. That is badass AF.

Just like, the formula of “Random pieces of wood + implements that hold random pieces of wood together = useful furniture and other items that are also possibly strikingly beautiful” is so completely mind blowing I can’t even stand it.

As far as ME asking myself “can I build stuff?,” that mostly applies to stuff I got at Target or Wayfair or worst of all IKEA. That’s the only stuff I can (kind of) build. Stuff with an instruction manual. Even though usually that instruction manual is ostensibly in another language and makes no sense and that’s not because I’m looking at the wrong (for me) non-English side.

I paid a man to build this. A professional man.

I take a dig at IKEA here because I’ve only ever gotten one thing from IKEA and it was a piece of shit wardrobe that fell apart after like a year. That wasn’t even the worst part, because getting the wardrobe delivered was the worst part. It wasn’t even built and was in pieces and they couldn’t figure out how to get to my house when I was home during the agreed upon delivery hours and the delivery people kept yelling at me when they were the ones that blew it. If it was a normal company run by normal people and not the deplorable troll people that run IKEA then maybe it would have worked out okay.

I’m sorry IKEA, I’ll probably still buy shit from you in the future and you’re just going to have to accept that I called you deplorable troll people.

You can call me whatever you want in return, I don’t care.

In the past have built this dresser from Target:

By “the past” I mean…omg I built this thing 10 years ago because I got it for Xmas in 2009 WHAT IS MY LIFE.

But it’s still here! I keep it in my bathroom because it’s sadly falling apart and only two of the drawers work but it holds my extra products and all of my Birchbox samples and more. It’s wedged in a corner because the wall literally holds it up.

But I love the drawer handles! I got them at the now defunct Two Buttons in Frenchtown, NJ.

At work we had to build our own desks and it didn’t enjoy that. We got these really cool state of the art stand up desks and I was so pumped about them. Then they arrived and I was like, “wait what? I have to BUILD THIS?”

And in my own house, by myself, it would have been fine. But at the time I worked in an office with 4 dudes. All of them perfectly nice, do not get me wrong.

But I am very socially awkward about doing skills in front of people unless I am VERY GOOD at those skills. And I am NOT very good at building stuff. And I was nervous and moving too fast and my hands were shaky and slipping and I could not figure out how to build that thing. Because I knew deep down that I didn’t know how to build said thing and would need to ask for help. And I felt like the patriarchy had been proven right and I was making women everywhere look bad and incapable and incompetent and I COULDN’T EVEN BUILD MY OWN DESK.

So I had to ask for help. But just know that I didn’t like it. I liked the help because my male co-workers are kind and they were 100% not having any of these thoughts and I’m just a crazy person. But I didn’t like the asking.

This Xmas I got a desk and chair from Santa (thanks parents!) and I worked on building them yesterday.

Here’s a time lapse of me building them in my black sweatpants leisure jumpsuit:

And they’re built!

The desk is from Target and was very simple to assemble, I just had to attach 4 legs. The chair is from Urban Outfitters and for some reason I had some trouble with it even though I only had to attach the bottom part. Again I am not a professional. Or maybe that’s the first time I’m saying it but again I am not a professional.

Finished!

I’ve had to build or put together things or change lightbulbs or kill spiders my whole adult life because I’ve never lived with a dude. The truth is…I don’t actually kill the spiders. I allow them to stay around because they eat other less cool and less evolved bugs. It’s just science. But it’s true that I do all the other stuff.

One time a dude I “hooked up with” or whatever sometimes over the course of a year or so but only between 3am and 8am came over at 4:18am and there was a bookshelf outside in the hall that my roommate had gotten delivered. It was too heavy for one gal to move out of the hall, so the dude helped me move it into my apartment. This was the nicest thing he ever did, but he never really did anything mean. He was just kind of…there. V quiet, v shy. Maybe he was just blackout drunk every day, but who’s to say? Case in point the next morning he did not recall helping to move the bookshelf. Wait…did it even happen?

Anyway, that’s the only time a dude has helped. That’s a lie, my dad helps sometimes. Thanks Lexx! And I still have the bookshelf. But it has seen better days.

Have you often asked yourself “can I build stuff?” Do you build stuff? Do you pay someone to build stuff? Do you make your dad build stuff? Are you a badass that can build like REAL STUFF like tables and benches and rocking chairs and HOUSES? I wanna know. Please share your tales of building excellence, no matter how big or small.

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