Now that I have fully experienced this I’m going to tell you how to shop for a wedding dress and bridesmaid dresses in 5 easy steps.
I’m not the bride but I have just been through the shopping of the things as a sister and as a maid of honor. Not to brag but we’re now at the expert level of how to shop for a wedding dress and bridesmaid dresses in this family.
In the last few days my sister successfully picked out her perfect wedding dress after going to ONE store! AND we picked out our bridesmaid dresses, also after going to ONE store. We’re pretty much highly efficient professionals and I’m proud of the work we’ve done.
Here’s how to shop for a wedding dress and bridesmaid dresses.
1. don’t be a dick.
I’m going to say “dick” instead of “bitch” because I feel like “bitch” is overall just rude to women, usually for no good reason. But “dick” can apply to anyone.
Anyone that is acting like a dick, that is.
Also I needed to use a strong and slightly dramatic word to really drive this home.
So just don’t be negative. Don’t be rude. Don’t be mean. Don’t talk down on other people’s thoughts or decisions or interrupt them with condescending nonsense.
You’re an adult, you know what all of these terrible things look like and you know when you’re doing them. So be conscious of your behavior and be self aware and just be cool. It’s not that serious.
This is rule number 1 because this is the GOLDEN RULE. I’m an atheist but if there’s one thing I do believe in, it is the GOLDEN FREAKIN RULE. And that is “don’t be a dick.”
2. your opinion may be helpful but your opinion also may not matter at all and that’s okay.
The truth is that people don’t know how to act. This is most people. The majority of the population is only concerned with their own opinions. “What do I like?” “How will this affect ME?”
“I NEED TO SPEAK LOUDLY AND FORCEFULLY SO THAT MY OPINION WILL BE HEARD! IF IT IS NOT HEARD I WILL BE ANGRY AND EVERYTHING WILL BE TERRIBLE! I KNOW WHAT IS BEST AND MUST ADVISE MY FRIEND/SISTER/DAUGHTER FOR THEIR OWN GOOD!”
None of these things are true and you are being very irrational.
When you join a shopping trip for a wedding dress, if you are not the bride you need to suspend this type of thinking. You need to suspend it forever. Or at least for the duration of the shopping trip. But preferably forever because it’s time.
Put it in the back of your mind and never speak of it again.
You take your cues from the bride now. This is not because she is a “bridezilla” or she is being bossy to you. This is because more than one person trying to be in charge quickly turns into a disaster. Someone always has to be in charge, it’s how things get done. But when people are VYING for power over A DRESS then you have a problem. A big one.
So take a step back and let the bride lead the way. You can kindly and considerately offer opinions and suggestions, but don’t you DARE push the bride or other bridesmaids or anyone’s mom around and try to influence them. Your influence is not wanted or appreciated here.
3. bring snacks.
Seriously, bring snacks. Granola bars, nuts, crackers, Belvitas, whatever. When people get hungry they start to lose their grip on reality and their connection to humanity.
If things start to get weird just eat a bar. Make your pal eat a bar. Maybe you need to hydrate. Or go outside to take a breath. Just keep your shit together. It’s supposed to be fun.
4. work with what you have.
If you are a bridesmaid, make your peace with the color and/or style you are given. Even if you hate it you will still look fine, and even though you still look fine no one will really be looking at you anyway. They are looking at the bride and that’s the way it is.
For the brides, you may not always be able to get a one billion dollar dress. I don’t mean an actual billion but anything higher than like $500 is pretty much “one billion” to me because numbers are a construct of the patriarchy and also indecipherable.
It’s okay about missing out on the one billion dollar dress though. There are plenty of options! More affordable brands, consignment, etc. Don’t let yourself get to a place where you’re like “I MUST HAVE THIS SPECIFIC DRESS OR MY LIFE WILL BE RUINED!”
I say this as a note to myself, if the day ever comes for me to be the bride. My sister was perfectly calm and excited and had some general ideas but didn’t get stuck in a “I must have THIS dress” trap. Deep breaths.
4a. but flexibility should be provided.
Again for the bride, I don’t think it’s very cool or fair to give extreme requirements to your bridesmaids as far as dress, shoes, jewelry, nails, hair, makeup, etc.
I’d like you to think about any time someone told you what you wear and you didn’t like it and you weren’t allowed to modify it to make it your own in any way. Frankly that is cruel and inhumane.
Give them some choices! Maybe a dress color but they can choose any style. Maybe a dress style but they can choose from a few colors.
Personally I don’t think their fingers or toenails should be any of your biz but that’s just me.
Shoes? Maybe allow them to be comfortable. Hair? Again maybe allow them to do what is most comfortable for them for that day.
5. don’t be a meme.
There are so many memes about so many things. There are many, MANY memes about being a bride or a bridesmaid. And complaining about it. If it’s a cute or happy meme and you relate to it, that’s fine. But if you are doing anything that makes you relate to a negative or complaining meme, ADJUST YOUR BEHAVIOR. If you feel that your behavior isn’t the problem ADJUST YOUR PERCEPTION AND/OR REACTION.
This is just one moment in your life. It’s mostly fun and it’s SUPPOSED to be fun so just have some freaking fun and get over it.
The ties that hold humanity together are comprised of delicate threads and NOT following the rules above could cause disastrous, irreparable tears in the fabric of our lives.
So chill out about the fabric of your dress.
Do you have any tips on how to shop for a wedding dress and bridesmaid dresses? How about horror stories? I feel like there are a lot of those. But then again, maybe those are just the stories that get pushed to the front because they’re more entertaining.
Maybe the majority of people ARE following these rules and I am mistaken in believing that most women are cruel to each other and exist in an emotional garbage dump.
That’s a nice thought.