for me, it’s xmas.

What month are we in? December. So what holiday are we celebrating? For me, it’s Xmas.

I will begin with this reminder, you’re allowed to have Christmas still. I’m not trying to take that from you. But I am asserting my appreciation and ownership toward a December holiday. And for me, it’s Xmas.

“Christ” is taken out of Xmas. It’s not necessary for Xmas. Xmas is not about a dude being born, or the stuff he did, or the people he was good to, or even the sheep in the manger even though I’m super into the sheep.

OMG AND THE CAMELS.

But, I have let the camels go and I now fully embrace Xmas. My very own atheist, capitalist, narcissist, secular holiday. All wrapped up with a pretty red bow. For me, it’s Xmas.

Xmas isn’t all bad. I mean if you think “atheism” and “capitalism” and “narcissism” are bad things…it’s not ONLY those things.

It’s not really even bad at all, because perception is reality and I perceive that it is great.

The alternative December holiday of Xmas is about getting together and eating delicious foods with your fam and friends. Drinking mimosas and Baileys in coffee at the same time, one in each fist. 

Sharing dumb stories and laughing about memories and GETTING MADE FUN OF FOR THE TIME YOU WERE 12 AND YOU DIDN’T GET THE VICTORIA’S SECRET PAJAMAS THAT EVERYONE COOL AT STUPID SLEEPOVERS HAD AND YOU REALLY WANTED, SO YOU CRIED AND SAID IT WAS “THE WORST XMAS EVER.”

I don’t think anyone should be blamed or shamed for reacting to a deep and all encompassing sadness they felt when they were 12, as ridiculous as it may have seemed at the time, BUT THAT IS JUST ME.

During this holiday of Xmas you can freely wear fun clothes with glitter or sequins or ribbons or any number of embellishments, furs, and most DELICIOUSLY – VELVETS.

DOST THOU WANT TO LIVE DELICIOUSLY?!

I thought so.

Xmas is about doing fun silly shit like decorating an Xmas tree. Why we feel we have to dominate and overpower the tree and chop it down and drag it into our house only to discard it on the curb a month later is still beyond my comprehension. But I like trees and hanging things on trees and a tree in my house and the way that a tree in my house smells so consider me an enthusiastic supporter of Xmas trees and Xmas tree related behaviors  now and forever.

Wreaths? Garlands? LOVE EM.

Xmas LIGHTS also have a special place. Because it is incredibly and unbearably and offensively freezing outside already by this point in December, i.e. the very beginning. The lights play some kind of mind trick where they make me think of warmth. I think I feel significant warmth coming from them. This is an illusion. I am insane. But the lights look so nice, set up everywhere, looking warm and welcoming.

Hmmm what else, OH COOKIES! I like to bake now and it’s fun AF to put on my silly as hell Xmas apron and make some delicious cookies with Xmas appropriate sprinkles.  If you’ve had these cookies then you know, they are the answer to all that ails us. Shit I have to order the sprinkles.

And gifts! I love to get gifts! I love to give gifts! GIFTSGIFTSGIFTS my 2nd place love language is gifts. Plz give me some.

As they say Xmas is for children so that part is cute too, watching the children I like get super pumped about everything going on around them.

Overall, Xmas gives us all a time to slow way down and reflect on the year. Most people take off for a few days in December, if not all the days up until the week after New Year’s Day (me! I do that!). And you don’t even have to like make it a “thing” and “reflect.” You can just binge Netflix, or binge drink, or binge literally any noun. It’s self care. And you earned it, baby. It’s nice to wear pajamas and take a rest. We work too hard sometimes, my friends.

I took from Christmas the things I liked, and ignored the things I didn’t. And I arrived here. Ignoring things you don’t like always makes them go away. It’s science.

In conclusion, I guess maybe I stole your holiday and I made it my own. But I think it’s a good one. Even without the camels. I realize I’m not the only person that feels this way about Xmas being a different thing than Christmas and it isn’t some groundbreaking announcement. But maybe another Xmas-head needed to hear this. Fellow Xmas-heads, I salute you.

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