sad.

This is referring to the “sad” that is an acronym, as in “SAD,” as in “Seasonal Affective Disorder.” It can also make you “sad” but more than sad you will feel exhausted and like you don’t want to do anything that requires the smallest amount of effort ever again and no one can make you want to.

You will just want to sleep and zone out and also probably cry and your head will pound and your body will feel heavy and you’ll only want to wear jeans. In my life “only wanting to wear jeans” means something is VERY VERY WRONG YOU GUYS.

IT’S COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!

I have been affected by SAD since probably birth. It’s one of those things, of which there are a few, that my mom has a hard time and struggles with, and at first I think I started to also have a hard time too because I wanted to be like her but eventually I started actually having a hard time without her influence and it was too late to turn back.

I’m happy because I got to party outside with my dad but I def don’t want this snow near me.

I. Hate. The. Winter. I hate it so so much. I have always hated it and I will always hate it. No I do not think snow is cute or pretty unless it is on a television or in a photograph and it is not in my current environment that I have to deal with.

In order to ride a sleigh at any point I will need to be fully intoxicated to the point of not being able to register outdoor temperature. The last time I rode a sleigh I woke up with the flu the next day. I don’t wanna. Please don’t make me.

Only smiling because sometimes it makes my face look thinner.

When the clocks fall behind and it starts to get pitch black outside like a full 3 hours before I even think about eating dinner I start to lose the will to live. I don’t mean that literally, I’m too afraid to die because FOMO, but I don’t feel like doing anything at all and that is not normal for me because if there is one thing I like above all else it is doing shit.

The sun gives me life and warmth and makes me feel alive and wonderful and when it is gone I cannot survive. I used to never wear sunscreen so you can yell at me about the past but now I do wear sunscreen so you can’t yell at me for NOW. I will bask in the sun all day, as long as it will deign to shine its beautiful brightness down on me. And it usually does so WE GOOD.

JK I’m not wearing sunscreen here while I bask outdoors and this is a few days ago. Sorry sorry.

By the time April rolls around and I can finally go outside into the sunlight and once it is warm enough to touch my skin I will go outside in the smallest thing I can find, usually a bikini, to guarantee full sun absorption. If not for the shackles of our puritanical patriarchy I would just run outside naked but they’re already pretty mad about the bikini thing. Eye roll.

Until then, I have my SAD Lamp! My SAD Lamp is my hero and friend and muse and makes my life worth living again. I didn’t have a SAD Lamp until last winter and the SAD Lamp changed everything. SAD Lamp.

SAD Lamp, at rest.

I try to bask in front of my SAD Lamp for at least 30mins in the morning and 30mins in the evening, as prescribed by Dr. Google. And maybe real doctors but who knows. I usually end up basking for longer because I NEED TO.

THE SAD LAMP SHINES UPON US!

I call my time with the lamp “basking” because that seems very glam but it is also what it is and I don’t know what other word one would use. Jeez.

One of the last outdoor basks of the outdoor basking season 🙁

Apparently you can just leave the lamp on “in your periphery” while you “go about normal activities” so I do that! While I drink coffee or make dinner or pack my bag for the gym or write blog posts, I turn on that SAD Lamp and let it shine.

SAD Lamp, in my kitchen periphery.

The SAD thing right now is that I did not start the lamp basking soon enough this fall and I have been feeling like crap for the last week. I had a bit of a cold but also I think the impending doom of winter can be blamed for it all. I started to bask yesterday and I think things should be straightened out by the end of the week. I’ll keep you posted.

Basking, currently.

Do SAD lamps work? I mean I know they do. But do they work for you? Have you never tried one? You should try one! I giggled about them for years when people told me about them and also when they were featured on Broad City but then I was like wait if Ilana on Broad City is using SAD lamps then I MUST. It’s going to be a long cold winter…

This is the lamp I use if you wanna try!:

Verilux HappyLight Compact Personal, Portable Light Therapy Energy Light

I don’t work for them or anything but it DOES work for me.

3 thoughts on “sad.

  1. First off I LOVE THE WINTER- Let me die lost in a blizzard. I also love the light. Long ago I discovered daylight lightbulbs-white light, true light not that fake yellow shit.All the lights in my house are daylight bulbs. They not only make you feel better, they make you look better!

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