halloween tbt.

I saw the cutest little gang of preschoolers in The Heights this morning…

It made me think of how I was once a cute little preschooler! And then I was like omg it’s Thursday! And then I was like omg #tbt!

Sorry I got a little excited there. But I’m excited. Deal with it.

I’m going to take you on a trip through time to take a look at some of my Halloween costumes. I’m starting to write this on the train on my way home to Milford, so I’m not sure that I will find all the photos I’m thinking of but we’ll see what I can dig up. Let’s go!

The Big bad wolf and little red riding hood with LeXX.

This is the OG Halloween #tbt and I have it in a frame in my living room and I will never stop posting it. You’re welcome. I don’t remember this particular day but I do remember that the wolf mask, blue grandma nightgown, and little red riding hood costume were used for playing dress up for the entirety of our childhood and are probably still in the attic.

Ernie for decade.

I feel like I was Ernie from Sesame Street every year for like 3 years in a row. I don’t know why. I can’t even remembering liking Ernie that much? I thought I liked Cookie Monster? But maybe Cookie Monster annoyed me with all of his noise and loud chewing. Haha the auto correct on my phone automatically capitalizes “Cookie Monster” because he is a PUBLIC FIGURE. HAVE SOME RESPECT.

Also a clown.

In that last photo I ended up as Ernie but initially was a clown. But then went back to Ernie. Don’t worry.

A bride

Ugh omg was I really a bride? Little girls are so dumb. I’m sorry but be something cool. U suck. Oh that’s me. I suck.

Catwoman

Omg I loved this costume because I think it was my first DIY one and at first I was outraged that we couldn’t just buy the one at the store because I was a bratty asshole but then I ended up having fun making it and really enjoyed what it looked like.

I criss crossed a black unitard with silver fabric paint so it looked how she had her costume stitched together in the movie. And then I wore cat ears and a black mask. And it was amazing.

I think I may have worn it to a Halloween party at gymnastics and there were some mean girls there so that’s why I was scared to make my own. I don’t remember if they said anything or not but I do remember feeling badass and just like Michelle Pfiffer in the film.

Omg I looked so hard for a pic of this but I couldn’t find it and I’m so sad. I’m sorry.

Vampire

Was I a vampire at one point? I remember wearing teeth. No pic of this either. 🙁

Princess

In like middle school I was a princess and I wanted a blonde wig so bad but this grey wig was on sale so we got that and I looked like a grandma princess. And inside I was outraged. And I tried to smile but I remember this moment and being outraged because again I was a brat and also get unreasonably upset when my vision of an outfit doesn’t come to fruition EVEN TO THIS VERY DAY. So I guess I should talk to my online therapist about that.

Hookers

Okay I realize this is inappropriate and insulting to sex workers and also appropriating sex workers and I’m sorry. We were teenagers and we lived in the middle of nowhere and we didn’t know anything about anything, I mean at least as far as sex work goes. We just knew like, Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. And again I apologize, but at the time we were dumb as hell and had a lot of fun.

Also my dad wore a funny hat and drove us around and said he was our “pimp.” IT’S LIKE MY DAD NEVER SAW HBO’s HIT SHOW THE DEUCE?! (The Deuce didn’t come out until like 15 years later. He’s not a future teller.) And this was also inappropriate. And we are also sorry.

It was more “he drives us around” and not “he beats us and takes our money and mentally abuses us into a life of sexual slavery, sometimes.” Still sorry.

But again we did have a lot of fun and my dad drove us around “Shy Creek” which was like the cool rich kid development with all the best candy and we opened the doors of the van and hung out and also hung on the ladder off the back of the van as he drove very slow. It was fun but we could have been like, Santa and elves or something nicer. Maybe in our next lifetime we will atone for this wrong doing.

Actually only two of us were hookers. Sorry. Still sorry.

I remember thinking it was clever to skip the whole “slutty (noun)” trope and just dress as the actual thing. I think that could probably still be done while at the same time respecting sex workers.

Blow up doll

Oh wait IT CAN BE DONE because sophomore year of college I was an ACTUAL BLOWUP DOLL. That’s an inanimate object so I’m not sure I was being disrespectful to it but if I was I’m sorry. But I wore a blonde wig and fake eyelashes and bright red lipstick and posed with my mouth open in a round hole and my arms sticking straight out to the side when we took photos. I wore a red bra and underwear and black high heeled knee high boots. I also cut a plastic blow up piece off of a plastic something and glued it to my stomach so it looked like someone blew me up.

I looked insane.

That’s what I was going for. Again I thought I was clever skipping the “slutty this, slutty that” framework and going right to the actually sexual thing instead of something else that was being sexualized. I don’t know I still think I was kinda clever.

At one point a frat boy saw me from behind and was like “Is that a dude?!” Maybe I did look like a dude from behind. I was more muscular in college. I don’t know. Actually this still confuses me.

I know for sure there isn’t a picture of this because I look for one EVERY DAY but maybe if I search back through Facebook…

There was a copy of the picture on the Grease Trucks (RIP) until at least 2007 when I graduated, maybe longer, but the last time I went there a couple of years ago it was gone. And now the Grease Trucks are also gone. SOB.

Jennifer Beals in Flashdance and/or JLo in the I’m Glad music video

My freshman year jlo came out with the video for I’m Glad and it was a re-enactment of Flashdance and I wasn’t raised by wolves so I knew it was from Flashdance but pretty much everyone else didn’t know where it was from and thought jlo made it up. Either way that’s what I was. I used to have a picture of it on my MySpace I wonder if I can still go to there…

Army girl

I think it was junior year that I was an army girl. I went to a party near my hometown and fought with my lame boyfriend the whole time. I left my brother’s cool rugby game to go. I’m still mad about it. NEXT!

Little red riding hood part 2

Senior year I was little red riding hood. This was a half ass costume because too much was going on and I was also poor. Also I just wanted to get straight to the drinking.

The green fairy

Freshman year OF LIFE (2008) I was the green fairy aka absinthe aka Kylie Minogue in Moulin Rouge! I loved this one. I think because I just got random green shit at American apparel (RIP to the brick and mortar versions in the US). I used to drink a lot of gin because it tastes like pine trees and I like pine trees. So I used an old gin bottle and put the poster of the green fairy of absynthe on it. I just googled “green fairy absinthe.” Wait actually this may still be my twitter profile photo because I never go on twitter.

Miss Hannigan

I think it was 2009 when I was Miss Hannigan. AND I THINK I WAS A GOOD ONE. We both were angry and drank a lot of gin. And didn’t really want to hang out with children. And liked hanging around our houses in our underwear. The list goes on. I believe I also carried around a gin bottle for this one.

Rosie the riviter

This one I was super proud of! It was another DIY that was pretty simple and just required some blue shorts and a button up shirt from American apparel. I was “hanging out” with a guy I thought was cool at the time and I felt like I really made a good impression on him and the whole party. This didn’t make him actually want to date me though. But he DID love the costume and in the end that’s all that matters.

So sad I couldn’t find a pic of this one. I swear there is one somewhere.

Little Edie from Grey Gardens

No one knew what this costume was (COSH-tume) and I had to explain it all night and I didn’t really care but I was like, “can anyone see what I see in this world?! Do I have a pop culture equal anywhere here tonight?!” And I did not.

When we worked at MTV there was always a party at the Frying Pan which was probably the last day of the year the Frying Pan allowed being outdoors on the Frying Pan. It had a secret password which was the same every year and I really think it was like “balls” or something like that. Does anyone remember?

I wore this costume to that party and at the time I was “hanging out” with this guy that wore a knight costume and I think wanted me to participate with him in that and I was like “um no I have my own costume.” At one point during the party we were walking down some stairs below deck and he bumped into someone or someone bumped into him, who knows, I don’t care either way. But they got into a fight! Actual fisticuffs! At the Frying Pan! On my favorite day of the year! In front of everyone I worked with!

I left him right then and there and never spoke to him again. And that is a true story.

Hurricane Sandy

I wasn’t hurricane sandy for Halloween but DURING hurricane sandy I got stuck all alone in Austin, TX where the weather was beautiful and the sky was deep blue and empty of clouds and I felt it was mocking me. I got stuck there for like 3 days.

So I went to a Target (where the heart is) and got a masquerade mask and a feather boa and went out to the bars on 6th street and there was all kinds of Halloween fun! I found a band called Wild Child I really like and still listen to today.

Disco ball!

My hetero life partner Brenna and I went to New Orleans one Halloween for their Halloween parade and a huge party at “Mardi Gras World” which is where they keep all the Mardi Gras floats in a huge warehouse and it was the greatest halloween of my life. Brenna was a disco dancer and I was a disco ball. Be jealous.

Corseted lady because I had a corset for some reason?

I don’t really know why I did this but I wore a corset and a black tutu skirt and put a feather so I guess I was kind of like a can-can girl? Is that an appropriate term? Plz let me know the appropriate term.

Cat lady

This year (2015) was tough because my grandma’s live-in man friend (I mean pretty much her husband but, “Catholicism”) died and I went to go stay with her for a week. So she and I carved a pumpkin and I pondered what I could use for a costume and I asked my mom to bring a bathrobe and curlers to put in my hair and a small cat stuffed animal and boom. Loved it.

Then I went to Triumph in New Hope and their party was really fun! It’s fun to get out of NYC and see other stuff. Actually the other stuff is better. You heard it here.

Princess Carolyn

This was my first costume after I lost a bunch of weight so I was PUMPED AF about putting it together. By this point I had had to get a bunch of new clothes so I got a cheap blue dress and cheap yellow cardigan, then the pink wig and cat ears, and I made fish for the dress out of felt. Whew.

As I’ve spoken of before, I’m obsessed with Bojack Horseman so I was like I gotta do a costume of that. And then I did.

Princess Carolyn is his agent and she’s a pink cat and she acts tough all the time and is on the phone all the time but is sweet too and also pretty much holds Bojack’s life together a lot of the time.

This was a big one, and a special one. I was going through a bit of a hard time with a “thing” that got “broken off” a few weeks prior and going out and looking awesome on Halloween made me feel so much better. THANK YOU HALLOWEEN.

Jem

This was another half asser, I had a friend that had an 80s Halloween party so I was like “pink dress, check. Pink wig, check. Pink whatever to make a pink star on my face, check.” And I already had it all so I did it. Way better Jems have been done, it’s true.

Cellblock Tango

Oh man I forgot I did two half assers in a row! Ugh I’m the worst. I got a yellow jumpsuit to be April O’Neil the Pulitzer Prize winning best pal of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I didn’t try this jumpsuit on until the day of the party I went to and I couldn’t get it over my butt. I BLEW IT.

So I just wore black and showed my legs and wore fake eyelashes and red lipstick and did a lot of jazz hands. I took pictures with a knife at home but I didn’t bring one with me because knives terrify me.

Again I don’t think anyone at the party really got the reference. Am I friends with the wrong people?

A cat

Last year I was also a cat on the night of actual Halloween! My roomie was kind enough to get me ears and then I just did whiskers on my face. And wore a not shirt because the days of wearing not shirts in public sadly end after Halloween.

Ms Frizzle

And this year I was Ms Frizzle! I loved this one, it was great. I already described it fully so just know it was awesome.

I love Halloween. It’s a time to have fun and be silly and pretend to be something else. And to admire other people’s costumes, and maybe get a little scared but in a fun way at a haunted house, and carve pumpkins and eat candy and all kinds of awesome shit. I love it.

Joy in 1980/81 as a Little Girl w/Lollipop.
LeXX in 1980/81 as a wolf feeding beer to a teddy bear.

I feel like a lot of people feel like they have to be given “a pass” to do certain things or dress or act a certain way because they don’t want other people to think they’re weird and they want to be taken seriously. I carry a pass like this in my pocket at all times so I always have a pass, but I like when other people around me also have a pass and I can see them having fun and feeling free and being silly. And Halloween is that pass for many! It warms my heart.

And now, just like anything else they’ve figured out how to make the most money out of Halloween which means stores committing to full on Halloween mode before Oct 1, but I love that. I wish it was like that when we were kids. I mean maybe it was and I just forgot.

What’s your favorite Halloween costume over the years? What was your least favorite? What would you be again? What do you want to be next year?

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

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