knitting is for winners.

You guys, I love knitting.

That’s really all there is to it. It keeps your hands busy and in turn keeps your mind busy so it doesn’t wander to places dark and treacherous and get lost there and fall into a black hole that you can’t get out of. It really just keeps everything on track.

Now that it’s “cuffing season” (I hate the concept of “cuffing season” because it seems to imply some kind of capture? A grabbing? Or am I thinking of “scruff” like where you would grab a puppy to tell it that it did something wrong? Hmmm) and therefore “cold out” it is time to begin knitting. Others may begin knitting when it is still warm but sitting with a ball of yarn touching me isn’t something I want to do unless it’s cold enough to wear a hoodie inside. And it is now cold enough to wear a hoodie inside so let the knitting begin.

No I have not been knitting my whole life, thanks for asking. No my mom or grandma didn’t teach me. I think they’re more on the crochet track. I learned how to knit in Fall 2014. I remember it clearly. Or was it Fall 2015? Maybe I don’t remember it clearly. Either way I do remember that I was in a bad place as far as my “mental state” and I was looking for a little help that wasn’t some kind of unhealthy and probably unseemly behavior. Imagine that.

So my therapist at the time was like “Maybe you should start a hobby that keeps you busy, maybe like adult coloring.” WTF IS “ADULT COLORING,” BITCH?! JK. I love adult coloring. But during my breaks while adult coloring I brainstormed other ideas about “hobbies” I could do and I had a hard time because in my mind “modern women” with “real jobs” didn’t have “hobbies” but I was paying someone to fix my mind and she was really on board with this hobby thing so I was like okay I need to think of something to really get my $30 worth out of that therapy sesh copay.

So at some point I walked by the (sadly now defunct) Patricia’s Yarns on 4th street in Hoboken kinda by Empire Coffee and also that park and I was like what’s up with the what’s up with this yarn shit and I found out they had 101 classes for adult beginners to learn how to knit and I was like sign me the heck up.

So I signed up and I think it was 4 classes? Maybe 6? I’d need to check my records. But we started really slow and learned all of the stitches and then how to read patterns and then we made our own project! I really enjoyed the learning while doing because I had previously tried to learn how to knit from YouTube and that just wasn’t working out for me. I needed to see it in person and have Patricia look over my shoulder and tell me what to do. Patricia was great! She was really helpful and a good teacher and I felt like we really learned all the basics and were empowered with the tools to move forward with knitting.

Practice stitches from my knitting class that I saved because I am my own child.

One day she told us that once we knew how to knit all of our friends would ask us to make them stuff and we shouldn’t be shy to be like “no I don’t have time” because “the stuff they get at a store like Old Navy or Target or something is made by machines and that’s fine but the stuff you guys are going to be able to make is going to be fine handcrafted goods and it’s going to be BERGDORF’S LEVEL OF QUALITY so they should be grateful.” Damn Patricia. She def had a friend bugging her to make shit she didn’t feel like making.

But that doesn’t mean the stuff I make now isn’t BERGDORF’S level of quality. Because it is.

I made these yes thanks I know they’re vibrant and beautiful.

JK it falls apart sometimes I don’t think I’m very good at the finishing off part. But I solider on.

I’ve made scarves for many of my friends, a hat for a guy I didn’t like very much, and I thought about making a scarf for a guy I did like a lot and one day he admired one of my scarves and said, “That’s really cool, I like fashions,” and I was like omg omg that means he thinks I’m cool AND he likes fashions I’m going to make him a scarf but then a mysterious mist came off the Hudson and crept into liberty state park and down Jersey Ave and he got swept away by it and was never heard from again. It’s true I def didn’t just never hear from him again. No chance, fam. It was the mist. Honestly he needed the scarf to protect him from this mysterious and perilous and rare weather condition and I really did him a disservice by not making him one.

Anyway I also made a hat for my boyfriend who I also like a lot and a mist didn’t sweep him away (yet) but he told me the hat doesn’t keep his head warm so I guess that defeats the purpose. Awesome.

I made this hat for myself for the Women’s March on Washington in 2017 and it was too big for my head but did keep it warm.

This year I’m going to make him a scarf so I went to the yarn store today and picked out some yarn to make said scarf! I’m pretty good at making infinity scarves. I’m pretty good at making only exclusively infinity scarves. He requested a “dark charcoal grey” and he is very particular about COLORS so I hope this WORKS.

I go to the Lion Brand Yarn store on 15th st between 5th and 6th in Manhattan for most of my yarn acquisition and it is so cute. I mean “cute“ is a boring adjective but that’s what it is. Use a thesaurus and find a better one if you need a better one. Jeez. They always have a really fun display window that is everything all knit up into a fanciful frenzy and right now it has like an undersea display and there is at least one jellyfish and I am ON BOARD. OH MY GOD I JUST NOTICED THE OCTOPUS IS KNITTING.

It’s fun AF to step inside and see the explosion of color and texture and YARN. It’s a beautiful thing. One’s pulse quickens and one begins to feel a desire to posses yarn for all knitting projects past present and future and you’re grabbing at yarn and it’s tumbling out of your arms and it rolls away on the floor and then a kitten comes out to play with it. JK there isn’t a kitten but kittens do love yarn it’s a scientific fact.

COLORS.

There may not be kittens but there are usually some gal pals knitting around a table when I go and I love it so much. I don’t know if they’re old pals or they just made pals or what their deal is but they just knit and chat and chat and knit and sometimes they help each other if a knitting question comes up and it’s the best. It’s really just the best and I totally eavesdrop on their conversations and that’s all I can really say about it.

These gal pals came to chat and hang and I love it. Hid their faces because they did not sign a waiver to be on this blog. I don’t even have a waiver. Don’t make me have one that would suck.

At this store they also do classes upstairs, and I took a class to learn about increasing and decreasing which is how you make hats. During the class and in subsequent weeks I felt pretty good about my increase/decrease skills but I didn’t use them enough so I think I may have to go again for a refresher course. They also have very friendly staff walking around that are always willing to answer questions or help you figure something out so maybe I’ll just consult with them.

It’s a cool place 🙂

When I say friendly I mean they meet like they go beyond the BASELINE level of customer service (which no one in Manhattan really does because they don’t care about you or that you’re in their store or about your very existence), but they are also actually friendly and not in an annoying or intimidating way and I enjoy it. Thanks Lion Brand Yarn!

So yeah, I’m a knitter. I’m a crazy aunt who knits. Sue me. Do you know how to knit? Do you like to knit? Would you like to learn? I’m willing to teach you. We can gather our knitting materials and go to a park or a coffee shop or like THE BAR and do some knitting. I don’t care. No matter where we go the kittens will follow.

Scientific…FACT.

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