when you have to cut and dye and style your own hair.

I’ll start by saying I respect and admire hair stylists. I really do. Also if I’m using the wrong word for that let me know. I’m not sure, there could be a new word for it. As in the profession, the vocation, the trade, the career of hair stylist.

I wouldn’t be aware if there IS a new word for this profession because I haven’t been to one in a few years. And the reason I haven’t been is that my hair is my least favorite part of my body to spend money on. I think we all deserve that, right? The ONE PART of ourselves we don’t want to make the effort on or the financial commitment to? I mean give me clothes (oh gosh give me clothes), give me jewelry, makeup, household wares, shoes (actually shoes I’m not super into because I live within the confines of a walking culture and most cool shoes hurt your feet) and I will pay any price! But give me highlights and a haircut and I’m like “EXCUSE ME HOW MUCH?!” This doesn’t apply to laser hair removal which will be explored separately and enthusiastically at a later date.

I’ve always struggled with this. As a kid I was like “mom I wanna go to the NICE place for a haircut” (foot stomp) and she was like “um no you’re 11.” And she was right. The nice place wasn’t going to do any better than Supercuts at that point (shoutout to Supercuts). As I got older I experimented with a “nice place” or two but never found the drive in my wallet or my soul to return as often as I needed to. Not only was it SO EXPENSIVE but it took SO LONG and I LOST AN ENTIRE DAY SITTING THERE

Once Groupon and Living Social and “buy expensive shit for cheap” stuff came on the scene I would get vouchers for cuts and highlights and it was fine price wise I guess but the experience of getting a haircut, which in my opinion should be the epitome of self care and relaxation, turned into an anxiety ridden sprint through a gauntlet of pushy up-sell opportunities blaring from the mouths of the stylists at every point in the process. It was a nightmare. I am already anxious about spending money and I’m trying to relax and I don’t feel like haggling, as haggling is one of my top 3 LEAST FAVORITE SOCIAL EXPERIENCES, and I will be tipping you in cash (as commanded by the front desk gods) for the full price of the service. Please calm down and leave me alone. Seriously please I just want to sit and read this year old magazine.

I realize there is probably some kind of “social contract” where when you buy a Groupon your punishment for getting it so cheap is that you have to go through this incessant up-selling but I was DONE after like the 4th appointment. They also would go off on a tangent about how I shouldn’t switch hair stylists and should stick to one and there’s probably merit in that but that wasn’t what I was doing and I made my choice and I was already there and they had a service to perform and I didn’t want to hear it.

I think I’m someone that needs a close friend that is a hair stylist and will do it in their kitchen for a reduced rate and maybe even just be paid in wine and my friendship and I’m currently accepting applications but for now I am that friend because I use a little product called Madison Reed and also am not afraid to use scissors on my own hair because again I care about it but not enough to spend money on it so do with that what you will.

The dye and highlight materials come every six weeks or something and I know when it arrives it’s time for hair doing. Then I wait a few weeks after that so I have to delay the next delivery but by then I am ready for the box that has already collected dust. I block out a few hours. It takes a while but this is in my own house so I can do whatever kinda junk I want and I can also just wear my underwear. And I do.

You can do laundry, read a book, read a NEW magazine, balance a checkbook (haha does anyone do that?), literally bake a cake, install a questionably constructed closet system all by yourself, the opportunities are endless.

I swear I’m not sponsored by Madison Reed (YET.) but they make it easy AF to figure out something quite complicated by breaking it down into steps and also having a full library of videos AND a live chat support person and/or robot. You can probably also call but I would NEVER. I’ve recently been told they started advertising on podcasts and that says to me that they’re reaching out to those of us that 1. Are smart 2. Think for ourselves 3. Are self sufficient. And that makes me proud you guys.

The hair CUTTING isn’t part of their suggested process and I’ve added that on my own but please see a time lapse below of my hair cut and first round of dyeing skills.

And here is me in the cap.

And then magically I have this hair I had at lunch today!

I mean not magically. It took a few hours and I made sugar cookies and peanut butter chocolate chip banana bread. It was that much time.

I realize my hair doesn’t look perfect but the fact is that I do not care. I gave up on caring too much about my hair a while ago, when I stopped straightening it every day and then stopped straightening it ever at all. I’ve found products I really like that smell nice and I feel good about them so screw it. I’ve got all I need.

Anyway, I cut and dye my own hair and you can too, if you want. Or not. Whatever. I have coupons for Madison Reed for first timers, just ask. Again not sponsored (YET).

How often do you get your hair cut and/or dyed? How much is too much to pay for this service? Do you think I’m a bad person for taking business from hair stylists?

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